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Valentine’s Day is just round the corner. It’s a day of celebrating love - in all its forms - but like any celebration when you’re struggling with infertility it can be hard to focus on the joy of love.
If you’re going through ARTs you’ve likely got a lot of expenses and medical procedures that are causing you stress. Or maybe you’ve experienced a miscarriage or ‘failed’ cycles? The sadness and disappointment you feel will make celebrating love much more difficult. Especially when the love you crave is for a tiny human.
So how can it be easier?
I’m going to get real with you. It’s important to focus on the joys all around you - every day - not just on Valentine’s Day. Your love has got you to where you are now. Your love is the reason you dream of being a mother. Infertility might be challenging your relationship, it may be the first real hurdle you’ve experienced as a couple … it’s all overwhelming.
My advice is to try to step off the fertility rollercoaster this Valentine’s Day and celebrate each other. Celebrate the love that surrounds you.
Great, celebrate the love, but how?
It’s hard, I know it’s hard! Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Write a gratitude letter – there is so much to be grateful for, so use this time to tell your partner and/or your loved ones why you love them. Think of all the small things - the things they might not even realise they do to make you smile - to make you feel loved. And tell them. Write it down, or record a voice-note for them. Just tell them - you will all benefit, trust me on that.
Date-night – either go out for dinner (covid permitting), order in, or cook up a special meal together. Turn off all devices and spend the time talking about things you used to talk about. For this one night the subject of fertility is off limits. Talk about memories, travel stories, fun times you’ve had together and your future dreams.
Go ‘old school’ - try doing something new together. Remember when you first started dating you would do new things to get to know each other? Play a boardgame, head out to listen to some live music, watch a movie you both love (either at home or with popcorn at the movies). Play lawn bowls or a game of tennis, a romantic walk on the beach. Or find a view you love and sit in the silence taking in the wonder and awe.
Laughter (after all it’s the best medicine!) - what is guaranteed to make you both laugh? Whatever it is, do that. Life has been rough lately - leave it behind for a night and have a good laugh. There is a reason laughter is talked about as being the best medicine.
You’re surrounded by love. This Valentine’s Day, forget about baby-making! Where there is love, there is joy, so find that joy. This journey is hard and whatever way the journey takes you, if you support each other each step of the way your love will grow.