Infertility is a gut punch .... Part 1

No one warns you..

No one prepares you for it.

And once you’re in it … it can feel like the loneliest place in the world.

For many couples, struggling with fertility is one of the first major life challenges they face. Maybe you’ve had disappointments before - missed out on that dream job, lost someone you love, or felt doors close that you really hoped would open. But this? This is different. This is personal. This cuts deep.

And just when the emotional toll feels like it couldn’t get heavier, infertility has a way of impacting your closest relationships too. What you're feeling is real - and you're not alone in it.

There’s growing evidence showing how infertility affects psychological wellbeing and intimate relationships. In fact, one study found that emotional burden - not financial - was the most common reason people stopped IVF.

The stress. The hormones. The exhaustion. It’s a cocktail no one signs up for … but here you are.

If you’re feeling the weight in your relationship or struggling to find your footing emotionally, know that you are not alone - and you don’t have to go through this in silence.

The Everyday Moments That No One Tells You About

How do you explain to someone that you'd rather pretend to be sick than go to another baby shower or attend a family function full of toddlers and pregnancy announcements?

Or that you’re dreading dinner with friends because you just know the conversation will turn to due dates, gender reveals, or the inevitable “So… when’s it your turn?”

And let’s not even get started on the classic “Why aren’t you drinking?”  line - because apparently declining a glass of wine equals “definitely pregnant.”

Even at work, it can hit out of nowhere. Another pregnancy announcement in the office. Another “You’ll be next!” tossed your way like it’s a given. But there are no guarantees. And that sharp sting - that’s real.

These moments hurt. And if you and your partner or support person aren’t in sync, they can create even more distance when what you really need is closeness.

Why Your Experiences Might Feel Worlds Apart

Here’s something important to understand: the person undergoing fertility treatment - or simply tracking their cycle - often carries the heaviest emotional load.

You’re the one logging symptoms, counting days, peeing on sticks, or noticing every twinge in your body. In a heterosexual relationship you’re the one setting alarms to send that “tonight’s the night!” message like it’s a task on a to-do list.

Your partner or support person might want to understand and want to be helpful - but they might not quite get it. They might say something like, “It’ll happen, we just need to relax,” and suddenly, you're holding back tears (or rage).

When you’re trying to conceive one person will often sense something is off before the other. One is ready to seek medical help sooner. One is researching options, while the other is trying to stay “positive” or “hopeful,” and that can feel like emotional abandonment - even when it isn’t meant that way.

It’s not that they don’t care. They do. They love you. But they might not be imagining the same future that’s breaking your heart. You might see them as a wonderful parent-in-waiting and picture your life together in vivid, painful detail. They’re not there - yet. That doesn’t mean they won’t get there. But right now, it might just feel like you're carrying the emotional load alone.

You might look in the mirror and not recognise yourself. You might feel like the lightness you once had is gone. Like you’ve lost yourself in this journey - and you're grieving that too.

And When Testing Starts...…

Even when your partner agrees to testing or treatment, it can trigger new waves of stress. There’s fear of being the “problem,” fear of disappointing one another, or fear of what the tests will reveal. In a same sex relationship, if you already know that they can’t carry, and you’re struggling, the grief can shift and deepen in ways you didn’t anticipate.

And all of this can happen while you’re trying to keep life going on the outside - at work, with family, in friendships, all the while you're falling apart on the inside.

It’s Time to Break the Silence

Infertility builds walls. It creates distance. It makes it hard to say what you’re really feeling. It can convince you that your emotions are “too much,” or that your partner just “doesn’t get it.”

Those feelings - they’re valid.

Talking about them though takes skill. In Infertility is a gut punch - let's talk .... Part 2 of this blog, I’ll go through some key ways to have those important conversations. How to ‘hold’ all the emotions you both are feeling.

And if you're struggling, you deserve real, compassionate, professional support from someone trained to walk this path with you - not just someone who has been there, but someone who can truly help you heal and grow through it. Everyone's journey is different. What others have experienced, even when they have struggled, is their experience. Your experience is unique to you - no-one has your relationship, your supports, your values, your skills - your journey is unique to you. Professional support understands this and helps you build on those skills.

Remember, you are not alone. And you don’t have to stay silent.

..... see you in Part 2 .... Therese xx