Infertility - a gut punch .... Part 2

Keeping Your Connection Through the Tough Conversations

In Part 1, we explored the raw reality of infertility - the way it can feel like a silent grief, isolating you even from the people you love most. We talked about how invisible and overwhelming the experience can be, and how easy it is for relationships to feel strained or disconnected when you're carrying so much.

Now let’s talk about how to stay connected when it feels like you're both carrying heavy loads - sometimes in very different ways.

So Let’s Talk (and I mean really talk)

When you're navigating something as all-consuming as fertility challenges, it’s easy to slip into silence or surface-level conversations. But staying quiet about the hard stuff doesn’t make it go away. In fact, it often makes it feel heavier.

If you're ready to open up more - whether to your partner or your support person - here are some gentle but powerful ways to approach the conversation.

Timing Is Everything

Try not to have these conversations when you're both running on empty - like late at night just before bed. Exhaustion and big feelings don’t mix well. Find a time and place where you both feel calm and comfortable. Maybe it’s a quiet walk, having a cup of tea on the couch, or sitting in a quiet and private cafe. The setting doesn’t need to be perfect - just have the time, the privacy and be free of distractions, that means phones off too!

Set the Tone

Start with something that gently invites connection:

“This is a tough conversation, but I know we can work through it together.”

Framing it as a shared experience, rather than a problem to solve, helps remind you both that you’re on the same team.

Be Honest About What You’re Feeling

Say what’s real for you - without editing or softening it to make it more “digestible.” If you're feeling lost, overwhelmed, or like you don’t recognise yourself anymore, speak that truth. Being honest doesn’t mean being unkind - it means trusting the other person with what’s in your heart.

And, take a moment to name your own patterns too:

“When I’m stressed, I tend to shut down or snap. I know I do this. I’m working on it, but I want you to know it’s not about you.”

This kind of awareness creates more empathy and less confusion.

Give Them Space to Feel and Respond

Not everyone knows how to express emotions clearly, especially if they’ve never been encouraged to. Your partner or support person might need time to process before responding. Let the silences breathe. They’re not rejections - they’re space for thought. Try to be comfortable with silence for a bit.

If it seems like they’re shutting down, gently check in:

“I feel like you're pulling away. I'm not trying to pressure you - I just want to understand where you're at.”

That kind of gentle curiosity creates openness rather than defensiveness.

Tears Are Not the Enemy

Crying doesn’t mean something’s wrong - it means something matters. If tears show up (theirs or yours), let them. Sit in the sadness together without rushing to fix it. No apology, tears are an emotional release, they help us. 

You might say:

“These are tired tears.” “These are angry tears.” “These are scared tears.”

Naming  our tears (emotions) helps reduce their intensity for us and for others, and also increases shared understanding.

Notice and Name Their Strengths

Before you wrap up the conversation, take a moment to express appreciation. Maybe they’ve been holding things together in practical ways. Maybe their humour, patience, or quiet presence has helped more than they know - tell them. Acknowledging what’s working helps balance the heaviness and strengthens your connection.

End on a Gentle Note

After big conversations, bring yourselves back to each other. You might get brunch at your favourite cafe. Go for a walk, watch a movie, or enjoy a quiet cuddle. Maybe it’s playing music, dancing in the kitchen, or doing something silly and light.This journey is hard - but your relationship can be a source of refuge, not another battle.

Talking Changes Everything

Conversations - big and small - can be a turning point. Yes, they’re vulnerable. Yes, they take courage. But avoiding them won’t protect your relationship. It will only erode the closeness you’re both craving.

You chose this person for a reason. Hold onto that. Keep reaching for each other. Keep choosing each other - even when it’s hard.

You’ve got this.

When You’re Ready for More Support

If this resonates and you’re feeling the weight of trying to manage it all on your own, I’m here for you.

I facilitate the MindBody Program for Fertility with clients. This amazing program was created to support individuals and couples through the emotional strain of infertility. It combines evidence-based psychological tools with a deep understanding of the mind-body connection to:

🌿 Reduce stress 

🌿 Build emotional resilience 

🌿 Improve communication 

🌿 Reconnect you with your body, each other, and your sense of hope

If you're ready to take that first step toward feeling more supported, reach out.

You don’t have to do this alone …. Until next time ….Therese xx