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Christmas is over. Time to think about the new year. Now is the perfect time for reflection. To reflect on the year that was and to spend some time thinking about what you want for yourself for the coming year.
When the clock strikes midnight on 31 December every year it’s a time to reset. New year, new beginnings.
When you are trying to conceive or perhaps had a miscarriage, it is easy to lose heart and feel the whole year has been another sh*t show. And all of this happening in the middle of a global pandemic influencing services, treatment and support, it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It might feel hard to try to reflect on what there is to be grateful for this year. You might feel like there’s not much to appreciate. If this sounds familiar, know you aren’t alone.
The truth is that there is much to be grateful to 2021 for. To help with your reflections here’s some starter questions:
Who has supported you this year and how? Was it your partner or family? Your friends and colleagues who’ve been there for the laughter and the tears. It might be the medical support team who’ve worked with you on this fertility journey.
What’s kept you going through this journey? What strengths have you drawn on – maybe your courage? Or humour or perseverance? Have you shown yourself – and others – compassion?
Take some time to reflect on the highs and the lows because it’s important to acknowledge both for the strength they’ve brought you.
Resolution Vs Revelation
Ok, so it’s December 31st and it’s time to reset. To start over, to set some goals.
You know that New Year resolutions generally fail by the end of the first month? Psychologists believe this consistent failure is because of the word resolution itself. The reason they’ve found, is that it is such a strong word and suggests “I MUST do this” which leads to disappointment and a feeling of failure when we don’t do it.
It is also worth thinking about what type of goals you are setting. Are they SMART goals you want to achieve? You’ve heard of SMART goals right? These are often talked about in business - we need to set goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.
Setting your goals on getting pregnant or having a baby, may not necessarily meet the SMART goals definition, because as you’ve found out the hard way, you’ve controlled all that you can, but being pregnant or getting that take-home baby, no matter how hard you try isn’t always attainable.
Having a rigid goal may not account for the many variables that your fertility journey brings, and you know, it brings plenty!
So to make 2022 a more healthier and more optimistic year, try letting go of the resolution tradition and instead think about this time of the year as a time to reset how you will live, give and cope with life. How you will thrive through this fertility journey, not just survive it.
Reflect - Reset - Refresh
This is where the reflection comes in. Gently – and I say gently because I don’t want you to be hard on yourself – think about the past year. What went well, where did you struggle and how do you want to cope this coming year? Maybe sit down and journal it out with a stream of consciousness.
While writing you may notice some consistent themes coming through.
Now let’s look at setting a revelation word rather than a ‘must do’ resolution. A word that will help you reset and refresh.
It’s really easy and this is where mindfulness can help too. Consider these few questions:
What do you want to achieve? – take some time to think about what you have control over that you want to achieve in the coming year. Be realistic and kind to yourself through this process. Don’t set yourself up to fail with unrealistic expectations of yourself or of your fertility journey.
What will inspire and support you? – what mindset will support you to move forward? Maybe it’s resilience or bravery? It might be a character strength like love or curiosity.
How will it come to you? – with the right time and space your word will come. Set yourself in a space with a clear mind to let a stream of words come to you. Then, sleep on it. It might sound a bit ‘out there’ but it will come to you once you’ve considered the first two questions.
So, you have your revelation word … what now?
Your word has come to you. You’ve got this. What next? How can you set yourself up to thrive with your chosen word? It’s really up to you, but here’s a few thoughts to get you thinking:
Get creative – maybe you want to change the screensaver on your phone? It might be printing out the word (or words!) and putting them by your bed? Creating a mood or vision board and placing it somewhere you see it regularly.
Write about it – how will this revelation make you feel? How will this revelation word inspire you? How will you incorporate this word in your world? What will it look like when you live through it?
Share it – tell your family and friends your intention for the year. Let them know your word and ask them to support you in living this word in the coming year. Perhaps it’s a social post #wordof2022 #2022revelation, for example.
Practice – practice using the word throughout the year. This could be waking up each morning and seeing the word in your imagination. It might be incorporating this word into your gratitude journal. Whatever works, practice saying and living it.
You’ve got this! Will you set yourself up for success with a change in mindset from resolution to revelation? Give it a shot – just one small word change can have a huge impact.
PS: I highly recommend taking some time to meditate before reflecting on the year that was, what you want from the coming year and setting your revelation word. Think you can’t meditate – you can!