Tag Archives | Stress

Meditation’s Dark Side – 4 Things To Consider

By Therese Sheedy on August 22, 2017 in Mindfulness

Meditation can increase sadness, anxiety, anger and frustration, but there are four things you can do to minimise these risks.

The current global mindfulness phenomenon suggests that if we stop, sit, and focus on our breath, life will be better, calmer and even stress-free! Something we all want – a place to stop and smell the roses!

While some of these claims may be true, there is also a darker side to mindfulness that isn’t often spoken about.

Keeping busy in our daily life means we often don’t have to deal with strong and uncomfortable emotions. However when we sit in silence these emotions can become very loud and overwhelming. This can be very difficult to manage. Self-doubt sets in and we give up because it is all too hard.

New Meditation Research

Earlier this year researchers Jared Lindahl and Willoughby Britton published their recent research examining ‘The varieties of contemplative experiences: A mixed methods study of meditation-related challenges in Western Buddhists”.

They found that meditation can have a dark side and can be very distressing at times. Even experienced meditators can face a range of meditation-related difficulties. These may include out-of-body experiences, strong negative emotions, changes in perception and sense of self, even suicide ideation.

There is a complex set of factors involved in meditation processes that you need to be aware of. Meditation can increase the role of our logical part of the brain and reduce the emotional response system. While this sounds great, it can lead to feeling disconnected and empty emotions rather than feeling calmer and less stressed.

1) Know Yourself and Choose Your Meditation Teacher Wisely

Do not to expect meditation to be the answer to all your mental health issues. This study highlights the need for you to be very aware of your own mental health needs and past trauma when starting your practice. It also suggests that you need to be aware of the level of expertise and the training of your meditation teacher.

The researchers recommend that you “be an informed consumer, choose wisely” when looking at taking up a meditation practice. The context of the type of training you choose is vital.

Ensure you have a trained practitioner to support you. While a meditation app or audio recording may be inexpensive and easy to access compared to a face-to-face structured program, carefully consider if this will give you suitable support.

2) Know Your Motivation – Why meditation?

Why do you want to meditate? For most people in my classes they want to manage stress in their lives, feel a bit more in control and even be less angry at others. Your own goals and motivations for taking on mindfulness or meditation are very important. Managing stress and emotions, or enhanced functioning in daily life may not necessarily happen just because you are meditating.

Sometimes we can want meditation to solve all our problems, which is highly unlikely. Therefore you need to understand why you do certain meditations and if they are going to be the ‘right’ ones for you.

3) Accept That You Will Still Have Stressors In Your Life

Sitting still and focusing on the breath won’t change the demands in life. There will still be deadlines, families, illness, financial stress etc to deal with. Life doesn’t change just because you meditate. Meditation allows you to change the way you respond to those stressors. This will take practice, time and exploration, patience and curiosity, and most of all acceptance and compassion.

During an ongoing course or program with a trained teacher you will have someone there to monitor and check-in with. This will ensure you have the style and process that matches your goals, intentions and emotional needs. You may recall in a recent blog I wrote about my concerns during my Vipassana retreat. Not everyone is suited to all meditation styles.

4) The Importance of Social Support

Researchers Lindahl and Britton stress the importance of social support to help you to successfully cope with challenging experiences. Attending a regular group with a trained instructor can give you that support.

At my Monday Meditation group we regularly discuss our own experiences and challenges. We talk about physical agitations, avoidance strategies and emotional challenges. These discussions help to normalise these experiences. My group also know that, as a psychologist, I am able to also offer a trained response. We may chat more after the class and see if this issue needs to be referred on or monitored.

Teaching Mindfulness in Schools

After reading Lindahl and Britton’s research on the dark side of meditation it is logical to question the ability of schools to implement mindfulness programs in classrooms. If teachers don’t have formal training or a personal meditation practice themselves can they adequately teach mindfulness or meditation? After all, would you expect a teacher to teach swimming without ever having been in the water? Without appropriate training and practice teachers may unintentionally increase anxiety, depression or trauma in students, rather than create the feel-good result they are hoping for.

I work with schools, community groups and workplaces to clarify their goals of introducing mindfulness and meditation. My 6 week training program fosters a greater understanding of the science supporting meditation and grows personal practice. With appropriate support and training they can achieve the reduced stress, peace and calm they aspire to, minimising the possibility of more trauma or difficulty.

If you would like to hear researchers Lindahl and Britton discussing this timely study, you might like to listen to podcast #79 with Dan Harris from 10% Happier. Dan is an experienced news anchor who experienced a panic attack on Good Morning America in front of 5,000,000 viewers! He has been on a quest to understand mindfulness and meditation. Now developing his own practice he often says “it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns”.

Is technology helping or hindering the human condition?

By Therese Sheedy on August 1, 2016 in Mindfulness

Technology is all around us.

As my family will attest, I am not a huge fan of digital technology. Yes, I have adopted or adapted to some forms of technology.

I have a smartphone, although I think I use a quarter of its capabilities. I have an tablet, which is old, so probably outdated. I have my trusty laptop, which of course I use to write, email and search. I am on Facebook, as I felt to be in the marketplace I needed to be there. I rarely touch twitter but it’s there, I have even adopted tap and go payments on my card – not my phone!

So is technology actually doing us good?

I sometimes succumb and use the self-serve checkout, which means I forego the human contact. For me that’s not going to have too big of an impact because I meet and speak with people every day as part of my job and my social life. If however I was living alone, with very few social contacts, the person at the supermarket checkout, just might be that one person I connect with today.

So is technology a one-way train that we are all on? Or, do we have the choice to decide what parts of technology are good for us and what parts are not?

Richard Watson, author of “Digital vs Human” in a recent interview with Radio National, suggests that the minds that create these technologies are largely on the Asperger’s/Autistic Spectrum, and so these developments actually suit them, and in the constant use of these technologies, we are all becoming slightly more autistic.

In his interview, Watson speaks about the way we are communicating is changing along with what we are communicating.

The growth in narcissism as well as hate can be directly related to the growth in our type of communications, being less accountable face-to-face and being more removed.

We are developing much more fragile identities, with less resilience.

We are dependent on how many ‘friends’ we have, even though we may never have met these people or had a conversation with them about what is important to them or to us, which is usually what gels friendships together.

We are dependent on the number of ‘likes’ we get when we ‘post’ something, rather than having a conversation/discussion/even an argument about liking or not liking something.

Just because a handful of people (often men in California with limited social skills if we are to believe biographies, biopics and Richard Watson) develop technology that suits them, doesn’t necessarily mean it will suit the rest of us, and actually it doesn’t.

Sadly, Watson’s book also refers to a Korean couple who let their own baby die of starvation, because they were too busy looking after their avatar baby online!

A more recent and topical example of technology changing the way we behave and how individually focused we can become, is that of the Pokemon Go craze. Our local highway signs now flash “Don’t Pokemon and Drive” – really????

As human beings we are social creatures. We need to connect on so many levels – physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Connecting online does not, and cannot meet all those needs.

I like to think that we can adapt and adopt, so long as we keep reminding ourselves we do have a choice.

Be kind to your body, stay present

By Therese Sheedy on March 25, 2015 in Mindfulness

It is difficult to understand, but the present moment is the only moment you actually have. This is difficult to understand because our minds rarely live in the present moment, and so they are unfamiliar with it and don’t readily trust it.

The past is gone, done, dusted. No amount of reliving it in your head will actually change those events, make someone or yourself nicer, or take away the pain those events brought. I think a lot of times we revisit the past to remind ourselves of the wrongs someone has done to us, as a means of comfort or justification, reminding ourselves we were wronged.

We think by going over and over, ruminating on past events, we will understand them more clearly and perhaps pick up some ideas or clues on how to prevent or avoid them happening to us again.

Unfortunately what happens is this.

When we experience pain, trauma, suffering, or experiences we don’t like or want, our body reacts. It usually goes into what is called the fight/flight response. Trying to shield itself from the trauma or danger that exists in front of us.

When this happens little parts of us shut down to protect our systems from harm. Other parts fire up to help us gain the strength to fight or tackle the trauma head on or, flee – escape the situation to keep us safe.

Each time our mind revisits a past danger or trauma, such as getting bad news, being attacked by someone (both physically or verbally), being in an accident, someone being injured or dying etc. our body also revisits the past. It re-experiences the fight/flight response we had back then, even though there is no threat in the present moment. This is how powerful the mind-body connection is.

The same is true if we continually think about what might happen in the future – “What if this doesn’t work? What if I can’t do it? What if they don’t do what they are supposed to? How will we cope?”

When we live in this future that we can’t control, again our bodies experience the trauma of the event we are imagining as if it were actually happening now. Again parts of our system close down to protect us, and other parts move into full swing – again the fight/flight response is in action even though you may be sitting at your desk at work, on the train, in the kitchen, or watching TV. There is no trauma our bodies are reacting to in the present, it is reacting to the possibility of trauma in the future, but it can’t tell the difference.

Our bodies need to respond naturally to events, rather than be pushed into a constant state of trauma and anger management. This is where mindfulness and living mindfully can help.

By focusing just here, just now, we give our internal systems some space and rest. We are able to experience calmness and regain a feeling of control in our lives. We are more able to respond to just this situation, and not have it blown out because we were stressed by events of the past or possible events in the future that we have been thinking about.

When our minds are out of the present they can often feel out of control. We feel out of control and every little experience such as a traffic jam, or rain on the washing, or dropping a cup, can feel like a major crisis and we in turn feel like we’re not coping.

So how do we live more mindfully?

We need to start bringing a little mindfulness into each day. Here are a couple of simple but not so easy to do exercises to practice – and keep practicing!

Each time you move through a doorway, consciously notice and remind yourself you are now in a new space. That may be a doorway between rooms, the door going outside, the car door, even the toilet door! Each doorway takes you into a new space, see if you can take your mind and focus into that space as well.

Three Breaths Stop: any time you stop, for whatever reason, focus on the next three breaths. When you stop to wait for your morning takeaway, stopped in traffic, stopped in the queue at the supermarket, stopped waiting for children to finish sport/music/school. Each time you stop notice three breaths. You don’t need to breathe deeply or in any particular way, just breathe and notice it. Breathing in and out will do, it does a good job for you the rest of the time when you’re not noticing!

Good reasons to become a morning person

By Therese Sheedy on January 4, 2015 in Mindfulness

There are many reasons to start the day early, but if you’re not a morning person then becoming an early riser will be one of the hardest, but most rewarding, routines you will put into place, and here are at least five good reasons why you should:

Early risers are more proactive and future-focused. According to Harvard biologist Christoph Randler people who rise early are more likely to set long-term goals and commit to those goals.
Early risers are more likely to have an exercise routine which boosts mood and energy for the rest of the day
Sleep experts agree that going to bed earlier, and rising earlier will tune your body to the earth’s circadian rhythms, meaning sleep will be more restorative
Early risers report lower depression and higher levels of overall happiness and wellbeing
Rising early means you will have time for breakfast. Eating breakfast has been linked to more stable weight control, lowered heart disease and lower risk of diabetes.

And if that’s not enough, here are 5 more things to consider:

The morning brings a beauty that is different from any other part of the day – there is a reason that birds sing in the morning
Rising early means you will be more tired earlier at night which will encourage you to go to bed instead of watching mind-deadening television programs just to ‘fill in time’ before you go to bed
Getting up early will give you space from other people in your world – you can decide how you spend this time just for you, without the demands of others
Taking this early time to sit in silent meditation gives your day a whole new perspective. Instead of getting out of bed anxious about the demands of the day ahead, you can start your day with a clearer, quieter perspective – something you can draw on throughout the rest of the day
If you get up just 1hr earlier every day you will gain 15days in a year! What could you do with 15 more days? – everything you love to do, that’s what!!!!!

Start small, set that alarm for 15mins earlier and then gradually build up to 1hr. When you hear that little voice say “I don’t want to get out of bed” know that that is just a habit. Ask yourself is it easy to do – put you feet on the floor? – yes it is. Is it easy not to do – pull up the covers and roll over? too right it is. But when you choose the ‘easy to do’ over the ‘easy not to do’ you win the debate and you can do it because it is easy. It will continue to become easier and easier, and you will have become a ‘winner’ in the battle of the mindsets. Once you win that battle, other battles throughout the day will be a piece of cake.

A “new” year or a new moment?

By Therese Sheedy on January 2, 2015 in Mindfulness

According to the calendar it is the beginning of a new year.

Goal setting is very much a part of our new year rituals, and it is a strong component of the teachings in positive psychology. Goal setting helps us achieve things, feel a sense of accomplishment, sometimes even a sense of purpose. But how can you really know what you might need or what things will be like in March, July or September when it is only the beginning of January?

This new year I am setting a goal, just one. A goal that will help me stay focused each day to achieve what I want to achieve and respond to situations that arise with clarity and choice.
However I need to be present in each moment of each day to fulfill this goal.

My goal has five elements, and I believe that if I live through these five elements daily, moment by moment, I will bring the best version of me to 2015.

This one goal is to live out the Five Ways to Wellbeing and this is how it looks in practice:

1) Take Notice – in 2015 I will bring my full attention to this very moment as much as I can. I will be conscious of when my mind is wandering and bring it back to the present, because the present is the only time my mind is useful, calm and wise. I will practice taking notice through mindfulness and meditation. Allowing silence to sit easily in my world. Mindfully completing daily chores like cleaning and washing. Mindfully participating in my daily routines of brushing my teeth, showering, dressing, and daily sitting meditation either at home, on the train, at the beach or in waiting rooms.

2) Be Active – in 2015 I will look for ways each day to move my body. I will walk places rather than drive. Catch public transport, walk up stairs, stand for meetings, play with children and dance whenever I can!

3) Connect – in 2015 I will ask others how they are and genuinely listen to their answer. I will chat with the person who works in my local cafe. I will smile more at people I meet or pass in the street. I will make eye contact so people will know they are welcome in my life.

4) Give – in 2015 I will look for ways to donate my time not just make a donation to charity. I will give way in traffic to let someone else get home to their loved ones as well. I will offer to help others by holding doors open or moving aside for others to sit.

5) Learn – in 2015 I will take opportunities to find out about people I know and those I don’t . I will continue to learn more recipes to cook, to travel new ways around my neighborhood. I will listen to new music. I will investigate my beautiful city and visit exhibitions that will teach me about others and our wonderful planet.

By Taking Notice, Being Active, Connecting, Giving and Learning, these five ways will enrich my daily life so that I don’t have to wait for the weekend to be happy or wait for another holiday time to feel rested.

Starting with Taking Notice will prevent the time-warp created by clocks, diaries and calendars. These are all measures of this thing we call ‘time’ and time is often our enemy.

Measuring time can make us think we don’t have enough of it to get things done, or get to somewhere ‘on time’. It makes us rush, stress and panic about what we didn’t do or what we ‘have’ to do. We start to feel that time is running our lives and often that our life is running out!

Taking notice slows life down, and brings you into this space, so that you can choose how to respond rather than being driven by the sense of urgency that time can bring.

I have chosen to let go of the urge to make resolutions for how life could look in three, six or nine months time, and have chosen to live the ‘five ways’ daily, so that no matter what life throws at me, I will be the best version of myself to respond. I know that living through the ‘five ways’ I will be healthier, feel more vibrant and connected. I will notice more and appreciate what I have more.

The psychological nature of a ‘new year’ does indeed have its advantages. We can say goodbye to the ‘bad’ things or events that we have connected to last year and imagine and hope that this new year will bring us new fortune, changed luck, good times. Can a mere date on the calendar actually do all that, or do we need to do things differently? After all, we do have more responsibility for our own happiness than we often realise.

Remember, every moment is a new moment, every day is a new day, and every moment offers a chance for new fortune, whether the date says it is January 1st or September 21st, whether it is 2014 or 2015, it is still a new moment. We just need to be present to notice it.

So this ‘new year’ turn to the only moment you have – this one!

Experiences or information?

By Therese Sheedy on September 21, 2014 in Mindful Musings

Einstein once said “Whatever happens is experience, if it doesn’t actually happen then it is just information”.

Is your life filled with experiences or information? What do you pay the most attention to – what is happening in front of you or your thoughts trying to explain what just happened or what might happen in the future?

Are you busy looking for your part in what just happened? How are you to blame somehow, or perhaps why did that happen to you?

Mindfulness asks us to be more aware, present, here and now. Something that you can already do, but due to being absorbed in your thoughts you are probably out of touch with.

By paying attention to this moment we can notice when we are fragmenting the world into inner and outer, what we like or want and what we don’t. All of this prevents us from experiencing the clarity and unity of true awareness. The information gets in the way of the experience and so we may interpret the experience differently to what it actually is.

When we are going along on autopilot just living our lives we are at the mercy of others and events as they happen. When things are good, we often tell ourselves we are happy, we can cope, but when life takes a turn for the worse we tell ourselves we are unworthy, or we are to blame, or a story that there is no hope for us. Mindfulness says that is just thinking – or in Einstein’s language – it is just information.

Sure we can find a basis for it. Evidence is everywhere once we start to look, but is that really evidence or just more thinking? Plus who is doing all this thinking anyway? We become our own worst enemy.

Don’t allow Mindfulness to be one more strategy you need to implement when the going gets tough. Then it just becomes a slogan that will ‘fail’ you because you haven’t developed it as a way of life.

Mindfulness is about being wise to this thinking, about being self-compassionate and understanding of ours and others’ suffering.

To be present we need to be more active in our lives and not just let it happen to us.

Challenge yourself to do more: living; exploring; seeing; cherishing; being; experiencing; savouring; sharing; honouring; touching; feeling; hearing; tasting.

Look for the magical; the wonderful; the special; the different; the beauty.

Start at the beginning of each day – notice the sunrise. Instead of rushing into the busyness of the day, welcome the new day, the new beginnings with opportunities. Rise early enough to greet the sun as it creates a new day for you.

Instead of pushing yourself to fit more in or end your working day, notice the end of the day – the sunset. Notice the changes as the day becomes night. A time when you can let go and rest, not collapse into bed or in front of the television. Choose to experience restfulness fully present.

Allow yourself to experience more and think less and notice the freedom it brings.

The Test of 3’s

By Therese Sheedy on August 31, 2014 in Mindful Musings

How long do you hang on to hurt and harm?

A minute or two? A day or two? A year, or perhaps forever and ever?

Sometimes we don’t like to just move on. We believe that hanging on to the hurt – “they weren’t listening to me”, or the harm “why did they do that to me?”, keeps our position justified. Our hurt justified. But we don’t need to keep holding and reflecting on hurt or harm to have it justified.

If you feel it, then that’s it – it’s there, justified or not, you still feel it. Continue Reading →

Breathe in and know you are breathing

By Therese Sheedy on August 10, 2014 in Mindful Musings

One of the basic, most natural things our amazing bodies do is breathe We breathe in, we breathe out, however we pay very little attention to it.

The very first thing we do as we enter this world is breathe in, this is the beginning of an in/out cycle. A cycle that continues until our final breath out.

In The Mindful Child by Susan Kaiser Greenland, she suggests that a child’s breath is like a swinging door between their inner and outer worlds. I think this is the same for us as adults.

Our breath can be calm and measured if our surroundings are also calm. If things get a bit challenging it is our heart and our breath that will sense this before our minds compute what is happening.

If we are rushing our breath supports our body to hurry, if we are ill our breath may be laboured, if we are sleeping hopefully our breath will be slow and peaceful.

I remember as a twelve-year-old child standing in the doorway of a room where my grandmother lay in bed dying. My grandmother made it very difficult to form a close relationship with her, however my mother had been called interstate to help her siblings as their mother completed her final days and I had gone along with her.

I remember standing in that doorway, physical distance between us, but breathing every breath she breathed. Breath in, breath out. I felt that it was my breath keeping her alive. Breath in, breath out. For that time there was no thought, no fear, just breath. Breath in……………breath out……………….breath in………………………breath out. It was probably the closest I actually felt toward her in my young twelve years. It was a time I have never forgotten.

I now know that everyone breathes and everyone dies. I now know that the person I speak to today, it may be the last time I see them. I now know that I need to hold this sacred space between myself and the other person as I don’t know what will happen. I also know that knowing this changes the way I speak with people.

Jan Chozen Bays writes: Becoming aware of death opens our awareness to this single, vivid moment of life.

People can find these understandings quite depressing and try to believe that we are all going to live forever. But we aren’t. Imagine if you listened to someone like you knew it was your last conversation, how would this change your level of attention? How would it change your connection with that person, your level of impatience or anger perhaps?

An awareness of impermanence encourages us to bring our best to each and every moment. To give each moment quiet attentiveness, to become aware of its awe, its beauty purely because we are here to experience it.

Kaiser Greenland encourages us to slow down and tune into other people’s breathing to gain insights into their worlds that we might otherwise miss. In doing so we can also gain insights into our own inner world.

Breathing is at the heart of mindfulness and meditation. In fact Jon Kabat-Zinn says that the Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction program has greater success with the living than the dead! This leads him to believe that no matter what is wrong with you, if you are breathing there is more right with you than wrong with you.

Breathing is often the anchor which is used to train attention. We can choose to focus on the breath at any moment as it anchors us in the present, after all, the breath can only be here in this present moment and so by noticing it, we too, are being present.

For this week, notice your breath. Know when you are breathing in and know when you are breathing out.

Tune in to others’ breathing, especially if you are around children or the elderly. Be with them in their breath cycle for just a few moments and watch your connection with them change.

Try sighing. We often sigh without knowing this is usually because we are breathing from our chest not breathing deeply enough into our diaphragm and belly, and our bodies need that extra breath. For this week, consciously sigh, even out loud.

Sighing can break tension in the body. Take a big breath in, open the chest muscles, then let it all go out. Let go of control. Let the body drop with the breath. Then notice the pause at the end before the next breath comes in. Do two or three deep sighs in a row.

You could try to use the exhalation of the breath to let go of tension. With your eyes closed notice the out breath and focus on the body. Start at the top of the head, on the out breath notice the tension you may be holding around your temples. On the next out breath notice the tension you may be holding in the jaw. Each new breath notice on the out breath another part of the body. The temples, jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, back, arms, belly, buttocks, legs, feet. It doesn’t matter if you were or weren’t holding tension in any of these areas, just by noticing them, by tuning into them on the out breath your body will naturally relax.

You might also like to try a mantra on the out breath such as “relax” or “release”. Mantras are words or short phrases in our minds repeated on the out breath. Again the breath and the mind working together in the present creates a sense of calm and stillness.

Of course you may just like to follow the breath as it moves through the in/out cycle. Follow it without judgment on how it ‘should’ be, follow it without expectation of what you will feel later or at the time. Follow it as it brings new oxygen into your system, feeding your organs, your muscles, your brain. Follow it as it leaves your system and connects you to plants and the rest of the world.

Breathe gently and awaken to this amazing gift.

Be kind to yourself – there is only one you!

By Therese Sheedy on August 3, 2014 in Mindful Musings

What type of things do you typically judge and criticize yourself for – appearance, career, relationships, parenting – anything else ……………?

What language do you use with yourself when you notice a mistake or a flaw? Do you insult yourself, call yourself names? “How stupid I am” or “I never get things right” or “here I go again, typical.”

When you approach or run into challenges how do you respond? Do you get carried away by the drama or difficulty , making things bigger than they need to be?

Do you think everyone else is having a much better time that you are? Do you forget that everyone experiences difficulties, pain and suffering?

How does this make you feel? What are the consequences of being so hard on yourself?

Do you feel more motivated to change? Unlikely. Does it make you discouraged or depressed? Likely.

It seems that as human beings we are very good at this negative internal dialogue, however some of us do it much more than others.

Culturally we are not taught or expected to have self-compassion. We are taught to look for flaws in others, look for their shortcomings to feel better about ourselves. To reinforce our beliefs and to feel we are coping.

Compassion to others and ourselves is a major element of mindfulness. Being able to see the moment as it is, with awareness, openness and acceptance, encourages us to let go of judgments that keep us locked into viewing others and ourselves with dislike and intolerance.

Dr. Kristin Neff, the world leading researcher on self-compassion, writes that “self-compassion is an open-hearted way of relating to negative aspects of oneself and one’s experience that enables greater emotional resilience and psychological well-being” (The Encyclopedia of Positive Psychology Vol 2, p 864).

Neff has identified three essential components of self-compassion: Mindfulness – noticing instead of getting emotionally entangled; Self-kindness – treating yourself with care and understanding rather than beating yourself up with harsh criticisms; and Common humanity – realising that suffering is part of the human experience and that you are not alone and others suffer similarly.

Some people are naturally self-compassionate just as they are naturally compassionate to others. But compassion and self-compassion can be taught.

People participating in research studies have shown that by practising self-compassion they had higher levels of wellbeing and became more resilient. They were measurably happier, more capable, more curious and wiser in decision-making. They felt higher levels of social connectedness and felt greater satisfaction with life in general.

Partners rated those who practiced self-compassion as being more emotionally connected, accepting and less detached, controlling or aggressive.

Self-compassion has also been shown to decrease levels of depression and anxiety, reduce rumination, self-criticism as well as reduce a fear of failure.

It used to be thought that to make people feel better we needed to bolster their self-esteem. However, it is now known that self-esteem is often related to comparing oneself to others. We need to feel ‘better’ than others to feel good about ourself.

Self-esteem is contingent on success and it tends to falter in failure situations, making it difficult to access when we are faced with difficulties, challenges and failure. Whereas self-compassion is always accessible, and contrary to a commonly held belief, doesn’t lead to self-indulgence or self-pity.

In The Self-Compassion Diet, Jean Fain explores weight loss with a self compassionate focus. A Harvard Medical School Affiliated psychotherapist, Fain believes that more self-compassion, not self-discipline, is the answer to dieter’s prayers. She promotes mindfulness and self-compassion as a way to end the dieting merry-go-round and feel the power of self for successful weight-management.

Self-compassion is a powerful motivating force for growth and change. With self-compassion we can develop mastery of our goals, and reduce our fear of failure.

You may like to try an exercise in Self-compassion: Grab three pieces of paper. On the first piece write down the view of you from your closest. most compassionate friend. Keep writing. Write all the things they love about you, what they see, given all your flaws. The strengths they see in you. What they like about you. What you give back to them in your friendship.

On the second piece of paper write down all the things you criticise yourself about. What you hear yourself saying about you. Write down as much as you can, what it is, what you hear.

On the third piece of paper write down how you feel about that criticism you hear from yourself. What it is like to hear that about yourself.

Now, go back to your first piece of paper and imagine what that person would say if they heard those criticisms of you and saw how hurt you are. Write down what they would say. How they would explain those criticisms, how they would comfort you. What insights would they offer?

Neff suggests that when we experience warm and tender feelings toward ourselves we are altering our bodies as well as our minds. “Self-kindness allows us to feel safe as we respond to painful experiences, so that we are no longer operating from a place of fear – and once we let go of insecurity we can pursue our dreams with the confidence needed to actually achieve them” (p. 52, Self-Compassion: Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind).

The Mindfulness Challenge this week is to practice self-compassion.

Notice your self-talk. Don’t take your thoughts personally, they are only thoughts, they will come and they will go.

Notice when you are getting hooked into self-criticism, even arguing with yourself – you will never win! Just notice it and move on with whatever you are doing at the time – whether that is ironing, driving the car, waiting for a meeting or even going to the bathroom.

Notice judgment. Are you judging others to feel better about yourself and confirm your beliefs about the world? Is this necessary – no!

Notice if you are being critical about not being Mindful. If you do that you will be being critical about yourself a lot!

Who you actually are is so much more than the narrative in your head. Be open to yourself, to this moment, and see the boundless strengths you and others have to offer.

Let go of comparison, let go of the fear of not being good enough, let go of perfectionism and accept the gifts of imperfection. Celebrate the challenge of being human and celebrate your own unique qualities – there is only one of you, don’t be afraid to share it around compassionately.

Moving from Illness to Wellness

By Therese Sheedy on July 27, 2014 in Mindful Musings

In this week’s blog I thought I would look more holistically at wellbeing and see how Mindfulness is a core component of keeping us mentally well.

In 2008 the UK Foresight Challenge Report aimed to enhance the understanding of how to achieve the best possible mental health and wellbeing for people living throughout the United Kingdom. It commissioned the Centre for Wellbeing at the new economics foundation (nef) to develop a set of evidence-based actions to improve personal wellbeing.

According to nef the concept of wellbeing comprises two main elements: feeling good and functioning well.

A positive experience in life is reflected through feelings of happiness, contentment, enjoyment, curiosity and engagement.

Unfortunately, it is estimated that only 14% of people in the UK have a high level of wellbeing – often referred to as “flourishing”. The equivalent number, 14%, have low wellbeing (not including those with a diagnose mental disorder), what some would call “languishing”.

So what influences wellbeing? Evidence is reliably pointing towards what we do and the way we think. The consensus within the fields looking at wellbeing seems to be that a holistic approach to improving one’s wellbeing is important.

nef’s role was to develop a set of actions that enhance wellbeing, however positive psychology research has indicated we quickly adapt to repeated activities. Therefore it seems that variety really is the spice of life as it keeps us fresh and interested, and more likely to continue to achieve success.

Acknowledging that different approaches suit different people, nef developed five actions that can be varied according to age, lifestyle and culture.

Those five areas are now known as the 5 Ways to Wellbeing, encouraging us daily to explore how we connect, be active, take notice, learn and give.

Connect – social relationships are critical to wellbeing. Social participation is the biggest factor between those with and those without mental health.

Happy people have stronger social relationships than less happy people. Life goals associated to a commitment to family, friends, social and political involvement promotes satisfaction with life whereas life goals associated with career success and material gains are seen to be detrimental to life satisfaction.

To Connect you can build connections with those around you; smile; make eye contact; greet others; share; enjoy – basically invest in personal relationships.

Be Active – physical activity is related to a greater sense of wellbeing, lower rates of depression and anxiety across all age groups.

Research is exploring the types of activity which is most beneficial, however it has already identified that physical activity increases perceived self-efficacy, sense of mastery and the perceived ability to cope. Action is central to cognition.

Even small changes in activity levels of people who are sedentary and the elderly has shown to enhance wellbeing.

You can improve your activity simply by stepping outside more; moving; doing whatever energises you to continue to move.

Take Notice – this areas is an emerging field. Increased sensory awareness has been shown to decrease stress and improve overall wellbeing.

Research supports that the practice of Mindfulness predicts positive mental states, self-regulated behaviour and heightened self-knowledge – all contributors to emotional intelligence.

Self Determination theory suggests that an open awareness is particularly valuable for choosing behaviours that are consistent with one’s needs, values and interests.

When we are aware and taking notice we are able to in turn savor moments that reinforce our life priorities.

You can Take Notice by encouraging your own curiosity; noticing beauty and the unusual; notice the changing seasons; savoring the moment; becoming aware of the world around you at any moment of the day.

Keep Learning – learning is an important role in our social and cognitive development.

Life-long learning enhances self-esteem, encourages social interaction and a more active life. It has also been linked to lifting depression in older adults.

Wellbeing is enhanced when goals are self-generated, approach goals and are congruent with personal values. Formal and informal learning are highly desirable .

To Keep Learning you could try something new, rediscover an old interest; sign up for a course; take on a different responsibility at work; fix something around the house; learn to play an instrument; cook something new; set challenges you will enjoy; learn things that will make you more confident.

Give – neuroscience is contributing greatly to how we understand the impact of giving on wellbeing.

Wellbeing is considered to be greatly enhanced when an individual is able to achieve a sense of purpose in society, and contributes to their wider community.

Helping, sharing, giving and team-oriented behaviours are likely to be connected with increases in self-worth and positive feelings.

Offering support to others has been linked with reduced mortality rates.

What the research is saying – individuals who report a greater interest in helping others are more likely to rate themselves as happy.

It seems that to improve our own wellbeing we need to be outwardly focussed not inward. We need to look to improve the life of others and in doing so we improve our own.

To Give you could do something nice for a friend or a stranger; thank someone; smile; volunteer your time; join a community or sporting group; perform Random Acts of Kindness often; look outward and see your happiness linked to the wider community; seek reward through giving rather than receiving.

So now you have 5 Ways to Wellbeing. If you like apps you can download the 5 Ways to Wellbeing app, set goals and keep track of your wellbeing in the five action areas.

Remember that you can only achieve wellbeing through you actions in the present, this will set up how you view and act in the future.

Give the 5 Ways to Wellbeing a go and let me know how you go.

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