Tag Archives | Curiosity

Is technology helping or hindering the human condition?

Technology is all around us.

As my family will attest, I am not a huge fan of digital technology. Yes, I have adopted or adapted to some forms of technology.

I have a smartphone, although I think I use a quarter of its capabilities. I have an tablet, which is old, so probably outdated. I have my trusty laptop, which of course I use to write, email and search. I am on Facebook, as I felt to be in the marketplace I needed to be there. I rarely touch twitter but it’s there, I have even adopted tap and go payments on my card – not my phone!

So is technology actually doing us good?

I sometimes succumb and use the self-serve checkout, which means I forego the human contact.  For me that’s not going to have too big of an impact because I meet and speak with people every day as part of my job and my social life.  If however I was living alone, with very few social contacts, the person at the supermarket checkout, just might be that one person I connect with today.

So is technology a one-way train that we are all on? Or, do we have the choice to decide what parts of technology are good for us and what parts are not?

Richard Watson, author of “Digital vs Human” in a recent interview with Radio National, suggests that the minds that create these technologies are largely on the Asperger’s/Autistic Spectrum, and so these developments actually suit them, and in the constant use of these technologies, we are all becoming slightly more autistic.

In his interview, Watson speaks about the way we are communicating is changing along with what we are communicating.

The growth in narcissism as well as hate can be directly related to the growth in our type of communications, being less accountable face-to-face and being more removed.

We are developing much more fragile identities, with less resilience.

We are dependent on how many ‘friends’ we have, even though we may never have met these people or had a conversation with them about what is important to them or to us, which is usually what gels friendships together.

We are dependent on the number of ‘likes’ we get when we ‘post’ something, rather than having a conversation/discussion/even an argument about liking or not liking something.

Just because a handful of people (often men in California with limited social skills if we are to believe biographies, biopics and Richard Watson) develop technology that suits them, doesn’t necessarily mean it will suit the rest of us, and actually it doesn’t.

Sadly, Watson’s book also refers to a Korean couple who let their own baby die of starvation, because they were too busy looking after their avatar baby online!

A more recent and topical example of technology changing the way we behave and how individually focused we can become, is that of the Pokemon Go craze. Our local highway signs now flash “Don’t Pokemon and Drive” – really????

As human beings we are social creatures. We need to connect on so many levels – physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially.  Connecting online does not, and cannot meet all those needs.

I like to think that we can adapt and adopt, so long as we keep reminding ourselves we do have a choice.

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The Reason Why Masterchef’s Kitchen Rules

IMG_6860I am a self-confessed foodie!!  Well, probably not to the extent of a lot of others, but even so, I love food, for so many reasons.

For many years my friends and family have been the guinea pigs for many an untried dish and they have survived in good spirit.  Oh, how we remember the failed Kiwi Snow!!!

I am not though, a reality TV fan.  I can never understand why people are attracted to watch the worst in others.  How television manages to exploit our darkest side, and promote it as “competition”.

This is where Masterchef is different.  You don’t hear contestants bad-mouthing anyone else.  They actually acknowledge other peoples’ abilities.  You don’t see the death stares or the rolled eyes, or pumping themselves up to ‘take others down’.

Masterchef doesn’t do or encourage that.  So it is disappointing when fans take to social media and vent about the outcome of the finale, when Masterchef isn’t about that.

This year we saw the development of not just two amazing cooks and people.  We saw that generosity of spirit in the final moments of the finale when one contestant comes to the aide of the other.

What you see on Masterchef is a celebration of excellence and beauty – my favourite character strength.  Excellence is there because of their love of food, wanting to do it better and better, and the generosity of wanting to share that love with others.

Throughout this season we have seen this generosity time and time again.  We have seen people faced with their fears and their limitations, urged on to continue through fear by the master mentor George Calombaris.

We have seen strengths of courage and bravery, sure not in a field of physical battle, but facing internal battles.  So many of us choose not to pursue our dreams for fear of failure.  These amateur cooks put all their fears out there for us to see.  We watch their vulnerabilities and we watch their spirit fight through.

We see strengths of determination and perseverance.  We hear about commitment and love for family, lifestyle and our fabulous country.

We see strengths of self-compassion encouraged by the experienced panel of judges and guest chefs.  We see strengths of creativity in the food, the techniques, the challenges, the locations and of course in the inimitable style of food critic Matt Preston.

We see curiosity and love of learning.

When we listen to the panel of judges we hear words of gratitude, hope and optimism for these contestants who have given their all.

Yes, food shows have their downfalls.  How can we in a western society, seriously think that food is a spectator sport when there are countries in famine and people starving?

My understanding is that Masterchef teaches their contestants about food waste.  They look to use RSPCA approved animal produce and they also encourage using the whole animal nose-to-tail, and the whole plant tip-to-stalk.  I also believe that they donate left over food to a not-for-profit called Second Bite.

Our society is not perfect.  Should we have shows that promote food?  I think we should.  Australia is one of the leading countries in obesity and has one of the most unhealthiest diets in the world.  We do need positive attitudes towards food.

If we are to be subjected to reality TV, then my choice is one where people are encouraged to shine.  Where they are greeted with smiles on their faces such as chef Gary Mehigan.

I choose to watch a show where people are encouraged to draw on their signature strengths and find their own pathway to wellbeing.

For me, that is why Masterchef’s Kitchen Rules!

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Autumn Soundscape Meditation

IMG_4852As I wait for someone in a park in my beautiful city, I decide, as I often do in situations like this, to take the opportunity and sit in a soundscape meditation.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with meditation or soundscape meditations I will attempt to explain what I like to encourage when I teach it.

Generally in our day we divide sounds into those we like and those we don’t. The sounds we don’t like we usually describe as noise. This is particularly true when we are feeling the negative effects of stress. When our minds are in distress.

It seems the higher our stress the lower our threshold is to cope with the cacophony of everyday sounds.

By labelling these everyday sounds as ‘noise’ we limit ourselves.   We limit our tolerance, because noise is something that annoys us, grates on our nerves, and interrupts our thinking or sense of calm.

We also limit ourselves to see, or should I say hear, the connections that make up our world. Connections made by others perhaps going about their day. We limit our awareness of noticing, which is why soundscape meditation is very much a mindfulness meditation.

So as I sit with my eyes closed on this warm day early in Melbourne’s autumn, I start to hear so many sounds. I always find it amazing how when we quieten the eyes our sense of hearing seems to awaken even more.

Construction sounds are probably the most dominant sounds in my present, and so the ears are naturally drawn to them. Construction sounds are sounds of people working. Sounds of possibilities for the future for others to work or live in the city. Sounds of amazing machinery designed by engineers and creative inventors to help make our lives safer and easier. Machinery that someone else has also made, providing a job for them as well.

As I listen more closely to my city I hear the sounds of traffic. People moving. Looking to connect with others perhaps, possibly looking to leave the city for the weekend. Moving to jobs, for jobs. Moving to families or friends. Who am I to decide that this is annoying or unnecessary?

The ding of a tram bell indicates movement stopping or starting. A caution to others to be careful as they go about their life. Not all cities have this unique form of transport. Trams are synonymous with Melbourne, they are our history.

Suddenly the sounds of sirens. An ambulance followed by a fire engine. We can be tempted to think they are spoiling our serenity with their loud raucous bells, or we can understand that someone is in need of support and these people are doing everything they can to get there as quickly as possible to offer that support. Their sounds no longer offensive, more an act of selflessness, courage and compassion.

The wind is rustling the trees providing a touch of nature in this city soundscape. Birds are tweeting to each other as they either fly overhead or sit perched in the trees that create a softening of the city.

People are walking by. I hear their footsteps. Some are gentle, some scurry. Some push the autumn leaves along the pathway. Kicking autumn leaves always transports me back to childhood. Fallen leaves, a sign of the change in seasons. The earth in its continuous cycle of change, a change we can often be oblivious to as we go about the busyness of our day.

A soundscape meditation is a wonderful way to instantly become present. While I have talked here about the sounds, labelling them for the purpose of this blog, a soundscape meditation is actually a time when you don’t have to think. You don’t need to label, judge or assess the sounds of your present as good or bad, they just are.

A soundscape meditation can immediately ground us in the beauty of the world, a world full of connections that we may otherwise miss.

Soundscape meditation is easy to do and very portable, you can do it anywhere.

Give it a go and watch your mind attempting to label and judge, resist these temptations, allowing the world to be and you to just be in it.

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Science explains – why meditation is good for us!

Have you ever wondered what goes on in your brain during meditation?

Why would sitting still, with closed eyes be so calming?

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Well actually for some of us, it isn’t so calming, it is a nightmare. Some people can’t stand the endless chatter that the mind does when they stop and sit. Some people say that trying to still the mind is just impossible and so meditation just isn’t possible for them. A lot of people agree with that, in my meditation practice and teaching course I hear that a lot. “You know this won’t work for me, I can’t stop thinking for a second let alone minutes! It’s a lost cause I’m afraid.”

Well, no it isn’t a “lost cause” but the striving to quieten the mind, or still your thoughts is fraught with problems. So in order to gain the benefits of meditation it is best to let those ideals go.

DON’T try to do anything to your mind and see what happens.

There are two things you need to know: Firstly, anyone can meditate and secondly, one of the reasons why we actually feel good when we do.

OK, firstly, anyone can meditate. If you stop trying to control everything you might notice that you immediately have a bit of freedom to actually notice what is happening during meditation.

Meditation is attention training. Training yourself to focus on one thing and noticing when your mind wants to get involved and ‘run the show’.

Our attention is rarely tuned to one thing. It flits all over the place. We think about the weather, what we need to be doing next, what happened yesterday and how we feel about it. We think about people, food, work tasks, chores, traffic, and problems to be solved. Thinking goes on and we let it, getting hooked on each thought that comes into our head as if it were SO important that it deserves all that attention.

In meditation we decide where our attention will be placed. Often this may be on the breath, sometimes it may be on sounds, or a mantra, or even a movement or eating. It is where we place our attention and how we continually notice when our attention is distracted from that focus and gently bring it back.

That simple, right? Hell no! This is hard work – at first – but like anything new, once we practice, it becomes easier and easier.

Now why does it feel good when we do focus in meditation?

One of the reasons is a small gland hidden in centre of the brain called the pineal gland. The pineal gland is responsible for the release of the hormone – melatonin, which is an important part of the body’s circadian timing system and can synchronise daily rhythms. The French philosopher Rene Descartes believed the pineal gland was the ‘seat of the soul’ considered to influence happiness.

Melatonin is responsible for our sleep/wake cycle and sexual development. It is stimulated by darkness.   One of the reasons why meditation activates the pineal gland could be the darkness caused by closing the eyes.

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Meditation activates the pineal gland to produce melatonin, creating a deep feeling of wellness and sleep (peacefulness) in the awake brain. During meditation we have a decrease in blood pressure, decreased heart rate and a slowing of the breath, all causing a sense of calm and relaxation.

All of this is due to the fact we can focus our attention by closing our eyes to external stimuli, stimulate the pineal gland to release melatonin and feel calmer and happier in the process.

So give it a go. Don’t get caught in the trap that your mind is too active to meditate. The best thinkers in the world know that to be focused produces results. Try being focused for 1 minute, then 3 minutes, 5 minutes, then 10 minutes a day and see what a difference it makes to not only your productivity but your overall sense of wellness and happiness.

With thanks – photos by Sebastien Wiertz

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What is mothering?

With Mother’s Day here I am drawn to the concept of what is mothering?

My own mother passed away 13 years ago and she is still present in my life. While I miss her greatly, I savour and give thanks that she was my mother.

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As I have grown I have a different relationship with my mother than I used to. When she was alive she was busy doing. Her family meant a lot to her – not everything – she had other parts of her life where she also shared her gifts of friendship, laughter, love and support.   Mum dedicated herself to others – my father, our family, her local cricket club.

I often hear my mother’s voice in my head as I walk along our beach, where she would challenge me to consider what a wonderful gift nature was. How lucky we were to have such beauty around us, and how we needed to be gentle and kind to the universe. This part of mum I channel daily in my work, my gratitude and my awareness. This is in tune with my practice of mindful living.

However mindfulness has also taught me to be aware of my thinking and sometimes I find my mother’s judgments on the world seeping into my consciousness and becoming my judgments. It is in these times that I acknowledge my choice, to be just like my mother, in all ways, or to choose how I react to the world and more specifically to people and their actions in the world.

It is easy to be kind and generous of spirit to those we are ‘like’ or those we agree with. The challenge is to remain openhearted to everyone’s pain not just our own.

While my mother was a wonderful human being and a loving, caring mother, I know she wasn’t the perfect person. No one is. As a mother and now grandmother, I see the role of mothering to be broader than my immediate family and Mother Nature. I attempt to bring kindness and gentleness to my interactions with others whether I know them, like them or not.

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I believe that the unconditional love of a mother is what the world needs more of. The world aches for guidance and wisdom of a mother who will teach values and keep you in line with understanding and strength.

I give thanks for my mother, not just on this special day, but everyday. I also give thanks for the opportunities to take a mothering kindness to my own family, my friends, my colleagues, my clients and my world.

I hope you can honour all the mothers in your life and the many ways you can mother in your part of the world.

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Good reasons to become a morning person


There are many reasons to start the day early, but if you’re not a morning person then becoming an early riser will be one of the hardest, but most rewarding, routines you will put into place, and here are at least five good reasons why you should:

  • Early risers are more proactive and future-focused. According to Harvard biologist Christoph Randler people who rise early are more likely to set long-term goals and commit to those goals.
  • Early risers are more likely to have an exercise routine which boosts mood and energy for the rest of the day
  • Sleep experts agree that going to bed earlier, and rising earlier will tune your body to the earth’s circadian rhythms, meaning sleep will be more restorative
  • Early risers report lower depression and higher levels of overall happiness and wellbeing
  • Rising early means you will have time for breakfast. Eating breakfast has been linked to more stable weight control, lowered heart disease and lower risk of diabetes.

And if that’s not enough, here are 5 more things to consider:

  • The morning brings a beauty that is different from any other part of the day – there is a reason that birds sing in the morning
  • Rising early means you will be more tired earlier at night which will encourage you to go to bed instead of watching mind-deadening television programs just to ‘fill in time’ before you go to bed
  • Getting up early will give you space from other people in your world – you can decide how you spend this time just for you, without the demands of others
  • Taking this early time to sit in silent meditation gives your day a whole new perspective. Instead of getting out of bed anxious about the demands of the day ahead, you can start your day with a clearer, quieter perspective – something you can draw on throughout the rest of the day
  • If you get up just 1hr earlier every day you will gain 15days in a year! What could you do with 15 more days? – everything you love to do, that’s what!!!!!

Start small, set that alarm for 15mins earlier and then gradually build up to 1hr. When you hear that little voice say “I don’t want to get out of bed” know that that is just a habit. Ask yourself is it easy to do – put you feet on the floor? – yes it is. Is it easy not to do – pull up the covers and roll over? too right it is. But when you choose the ‘easy to do’ over the ‘easy not to do’ you win the debate and you can do it because it is easy. It will continue to become easier and easier, and you will have become a ‘winner’ in the battle of the mindsets. Once you win that battle, other battles throughout the day will be a piece of cake.

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Observe, Connect, Appreciate, Give Thanks

According to my character strengths survey (https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/testcenter) Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence is my top character strength. I complete this survey about every 6-8 months and while other strengths may move around a little, my top strength is always beauty and excellence.
I really like this strength and I love knowing it about myself.

I am often reminded of this strength when I am brought close to tears when I witness simple everyday events such as an older couple holding hands, watching a dad having coffee with his teenage daughter in a cafe, or even turning a corner when I visit Sydney and spying the harbour bridge and being reminded by this symbol of the country I feel truly blessed to call my home.

Recently my appreciation of beauty was activated during a session with a client. We were sharing an eating meditation.
Yes it was a raisin, and yes it did take 10 minutes to eat one raisin. During this time I called attention to the little knob at the end of the raisin which we might refer to in ourselves as our belly button. The knob that connected this raisin to a larger, greater being that gave life to the raisin, and nourished and nurtured its early growth. I also drew attention to the journey of the raisin, growing in the soil, needing the elements of our wonderous planet to help it grow. The people who had contributed to helping us, here and now, connect with that one raisin. The vine grower, the fruit picker, the packer, the truck driver and on it goes, to bring that raisin to the store, where I was able to freely walk in and buy it. The countless people who we are connected to us every time we eat something. And as we considered these people and this incredible journey we also drew attention to honouring our ability to eat the plentiful food we have at our disposal. If we honour this, we don’t need to grab raisins (or chocolate) by the handful, but we can take our time to savour the whole, complete event of eating.

This is when I noticed my client truly connect with this moment, with her own struggle with food, with the beauty she had within herself, and a tear rolled down her face. She too had connected with the beauty of our living in this lucky country where a raisin is a snack not breakfast as it could be in a third world country.

Eating mindfully doesn’t mean you need to take 10 minutes to eat one raisin, but if you do that just once, you will become aware of all the processes your body and mind make so that you can eat. Mindful eating is more than just about the pace in which we eat, it is observing our food, the colour, the textures, the smell. It is bringing a new awareness to the fact that we are actually eating, instead of eating mindlessly in front of the television, in the car, or walking down the street. Mindful eating allows for space in this face-paced world. It gives us permission to pause, observe, connect, appreciate and give thanks that we are able to eat and the connection between ourselves, the food and the earth from which it came.

So when do you recognise beauty in your world?
How do you connect with the people who make your eating possible?
How much appreciation of your lifestyle do you show by moderating what you eat?

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Experiences or information?

Einstein once said “Whatever happens is experience, if it doesn’t actually happen then it is just information”.

Is your life filled with experiences or information?  What do you pay the most attention to – what is happening in front of you or your thoughts trying to explain what just happened or what might happen in the future?

Are you busy looking for your part in what just happened?  How are you to blame somehow, or perhaps why did that happen to you?

Mindfulness asks us to be more aware, present, here and now.  Something that you can already do, but due to being absorbed in your thoughts you are probably out of touch with.

By paying attention to this moment we can notice when we are fragmenting the world into inner and outer, what we like or want and what we don’t.  All of this prevents us from experiencing the clarity and unity of true awareness. The information gets in the way of the experience and so we may interpret the experience differently to what it actually is.

When we are going along on autopilot just living our lives we are at the mercy of others and events as they happen.  When things are good, we often tell ourselves we are happy, we can cope, but when life takes a turn for the worse we tell ourselves we are unworthy, or we are to blame, or a story that there is no hope for us.  Mindfulness says that is just thinking – or in Einstein’s language – it is just information.

Sure we can find a basis for it.  Evidence is everywhere once we start to look, but is that really evidence or just more thinking?  Plus who is doing all this thinking anyway?  We become our own worst enemy.

Don’t allow Mindfulness to be one more strategy you need to implement when the going gets tough.  Then it just becomes a slogan that will ‘fail’ you because you haven’t developed it as a way of life.

Mindfulness is about being wise to this thinking, about being self-compassionate and understanding of ours and others’ suffering.

To be present we need to be more active in our lives and not just let it happen to us.

Challenge yourself to do more: living; exploring; seeing; cherishing; being; experiencing; savouring; sharing; honouring; touching; feeling; hearing; tasting.

Look for the magical; the wonderful; the special; the different; the beauty.

Start at the beginning of each day – notice the sunrise. Instead of rushing into the busyness of the day, welcome the new day, the new beginnings with opportunities.  Rise early enough to greet the sun as it creates a new day for you.

Instead of pushing yourself to fit more in or end your working day, notice the end of the day – the sunset.  Notice the changes as the day becomes night.  A time when you can let go and rest, not collapse into bed or in front of the television.  Choose to experience restfulness fully present.

Allow yourself to experience more and think less and notice the freedom it brings.

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The Test of 3’s

How long do you hang on to hurt and harm?

A minute or two? A day or two? A year, or perhaps forever and ever?

Sometimes we don’t like to just move on.  We believe that hanging on to the hurt – “they weren’t listening to me”, or the harm “why did they do that to me?”, keeps our position justified.  Our hurt justified. But we don’t need to keep holding and reflecting on hurt or harm to have it justified.

If you feel it, then that’s it – it’s there, justified or not, you still feel it. Continue Reading →

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Breathe in and know you are breathing

One of the basic, most natural things our amazing bodies do is breathe  We breathe in, we breathe out, however we pay very little attention to it.

The very first thing we do as we enter this world is breathe in, this is the beginning of an in/out cycle.  A cycle that continues until our final breath out.IMG_8049 - Version 2

In The Mindful Child by Susan Kaiser Greenland, she suggests that a child’s breath is like a swinging door between their inner and outer worlds.  I think this is the same for us as adults.

Our breath can be calm and measured if our surroundings are also calm.  If things get a bit challenging it is our heart and our breath that will sense this before our minds compute what is happening.

If we are rushing our breath supports our body to hurry, if we are ill our breath may be laboured, if we are sleeping hopefully our breath will be slow and peaceful.

I remember as a twelve-year-old child standing in the doorway of a room where my grandmother lay in bed dying.  My grandmother made it very difficult to form a close relationship with her, however my mother had been called interstate to help her siblings as their mother completed her final days and I had gone along with her.

I remember standing in that doorway, physical distance between us, but breathing every breath she breathed.  Breath in, breath out.  I felt that it was my breath keeping her alive.  Breath in, breath out.  For that time there was no thought, no fear, just breath.  Breath in……………breath out……………….breath in………………………breath out.  It was probably the closest I actually felt toward her in my young twelve years. It was a time I have never forgotten.

I now know that everyone breathes and everyone dies.  I now know that the person I speak to today, it may be the last time I see them.  I now know that I need to hold this sacred space between myself and the other person as I don’t know what will happen.  I also know that knowing this changes the way I speak with people.

Jan Chozen Bays writes: Becoming aware of death opens our awareness to this single, vivid moment of life.

People can find these understandings quite depressing and try to believe that we are all going to live forever.  But we aren’t.  Imagine if you listened to someone like you knew it was your last conversation, how would this change your level of attention? How would it change your connection with that person, your level of impatience or anger perhaps?

An awareness of impermanence encourages us to bring our best to each and every moment.  To give each moment quiet attentiveness, to become aware of its awe, its beauty purely because we are here to experience it.

Kaiser Greenland encourages us to slow down and tune into other people’s breathing to gain insights into their worlds that we might otherwise miss.  In doing so we can also gain insights into our own inner world.

Breathing is at the heart of mindfulness and meditation. In fact Jon Kabat-Zinn says that the Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction program has greater success with the living than the dead! This leads him to believe that no matter what is wrong with you, if you are breathing there is more right  with you than wrong with you.

Breathing is often the anchor which is used to train attention. We can choose to focus on the breath at any moment as it anchors us in the present, after all, the breath can only be here in this present moment and so by noticing it, we too, are being present.

For this week, notice your breath.  Know when you are breathing in and know when you are breathing out.

Tune in to others’ breathing, especially if you are around children or the elderly.  Be with them in their breath cycle for just a few moments and watch your connection with them change.

Try sighing.  We often sigh without knowing this is usually because we are breathing from our chest not breathing deeply enough into our diaphragm and belly, and our bodies need that extra breath.  For this week, consciously sigh, even out loud.

Sighing can break tension in the body.  Take a big breath in, open the chest muscles, then let it all go out.  Let go of control.  Let the body drop with the breath.  Then notice the pause at the end before the next breath comes in.  Do two or three deep sighs in a row.

You could try to use the exhalation of the breath to let go of tension.  With your eyes closed notice the out breath and focus on the body.  Start at the top of the head, on the out breath notice the tension you may be holding around your temples. On the next out breath notice the tension you may be holding in the jaw.  Each new breath notice on the out breath another part of the body.  The temples, jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, back, arms, belly, buttocks, legs, feet.  It  doesn’t matter if you were or weren’t holding tension in any of these areas, just by noticing them, by tuning into them on the out breath your body will naturally relax.

You might also like to try a mantra on the out breath such as “relax” or “release”.  Mantras are words or short phrases in our minds repeated on the out breath.  Again the breath and the mind working together in the present creates a sense of calm and stillness.

Of course you may just like to follow the breath as it moves through the in/out cycle.  Follow it without judgment on how it ‘should’ be, follow it without expectation of what you will feel later or at the time.  Follow it as it brings new oxygen into your system, feeding your organs, your muscles, your brain.  Follow it as it leaves your system and connects you to plants and the rest of the world.

Breathe gently and awaken to this amazing gift.

 

 

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