Tag Archives | connectedness

Is technology helping or hindering the human condition?

By Therese Sheedy on August 1, 2016 in Mindfulness

Technology is all around us.

As my family will attest, I am not a huge fan of digital technology. Yes, I have adopted or adapted to some forms of technology.

I have a smartphone, although I think I use a quarter of its capabilities. I have an tablet, which is old, so probably outdated. I have my trusty laptop, which of course I use to write, email and search. I am on Facebook, as I felt to be in the marketplace I needed to be there. I rarely touch twitter but it’s there, I have even adopted tap and go payments on my card – not my phone!

So is technology actually doing us good?

I sometimes succumb and use the self-serve checkout, which means I forego the human contact. For me that’s not going to have too big of an impact because I meet and speak with people every day as part of my job and my social life. If however I was living alone, with very few social contacts, the person at the supermarket checkout, just might be that one person I connect with today.

So is technology a one-way train that we are all on? Or, do we have the choice to decide what parts of technology are good for us and what parts are not?

Richard Watson, author of “Digital vs Human” in a recent interview with Radio National, suggests that the minds that create these technologies are largely on the Asperger’s/Autistic Spectrum, and so these developments actually suit them, and in the constant use of these technologies, we are all becoming slightly more autistic.

In his interview, Watson speaks about the way we are communicating is changing along with what we are communicating.

The growth in narcissism as well as hate can be directly related to the growth in our type of communications, being less accountable face-to-face and being more removed.

We are developing much more fragile identities, with less resilience.

We are dependent on how many ‘friends’ we have, even though we may never have met these people or had a conversation with them about what is important to them or to us, which is usually what gels friendships together.

We are dependent on the number of ‘likes’ we get when we ‘post’ something, rather than having a conversation/discussion/even an argument about liking or not liking something.

Just because a handful of people (often men in California with limited social skills if we are to believe biographies, biopics and Richard Watson) develop technology that suits them, doesn’t necessarily mean it will suit the rest of us, and actually it doesn’t.

Sadly, Watson’s book also refers to a Korean couple who let their own baby die of starvation, because they were too busy looking after their avatar baby online!

A more recent and topical example of technology changing the way we behave and how individually focused we can become, is that of the Pokemon Go craze. Our local highway signs now flash “Don’t Pokemon and Drive” – really????

As human beings we are social creatures. We need to connect on so many levels – physically, emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Connecting online does not, and cannot meet all those needs.

I like to think that we can adapt and adopt, so long as we keep reminding ourselves we do have a choice.

Mindfulness brings happiness to Danny Frawley

By Therese Sheedy on March 20, 2016 in Mindfulness

Danny Frawley, is an Australian Rules commentator, an ex footballer and coach. In a recent interview he spoke about the impact of not living in the moment and discovering, through mindfulness, that this is the most important moment in his life.

Listening to Danny Frawley’s interview on Triple M, without specifying it, Danny was talking about the 5 Ways to Wellbeing. While Danny doesn’t use this language, unknowingly (most likely) he has discovered the 5 Ways – to be present, be active, connect, give and learn.

Be present – Danny spoke about previously not living in the moment, always considering what he could have done or should have done. Living a life full of regrets, and fears about what the future might hold because of decisions made in the past. After attending a retreat, experiencing meditation, mindfulness and yoga, he began to reflect more positively on his life.

Being a competitor, Danny talks about “competing with myself,” measuring his success in terms of achieving premierships either as a player or as a coach. This unfortunately is often the case with elite athletes. Identity is commonly wrapped up in the external validation of winning, rather than their perseverance, commitment, skill-building, contribution and everything else they actually achieve.

Our athletes and their coaches can often fall into fixed mindsets, which can limit not only their sense of satisfaction in their craft, but also their appreciation for their achievements. A fixed mindset can bring about a strong sense of failure when we don’t live up to our own, and others’ expectations. We become susceptible to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, something Danny alludes to, identifying he was “struggling and needed time out from my life.” Something he says has been turned around by living in the moment – the practice of mindfulness – knowing that the most important time is now or as he says “the next 5 minutes”.

Be Active – Physical health has become more important to Danny. He spoke about cutting down his sugar intake, but also being more active. He has taken up yoga, a meditative form of physical activity that improves our connectedness with the present moment through the breath and allows the body to stretch and heal.

Connect – Danny emphasised his need for support, which he found in his mates. Being socially connected is one the key elements of good mental health. We can never underestimate the importance of connecting with others, whether it is to laugh, cry, discuss, explore or just spend time with. Human beings are social creatures, we need each other, however we need to connect with others in a positive, non-judgmental environment with growth mindsets, imagining that anything is possible.

Give – Danny spoke about his commitment to broadcasting through various mediums; wanting to bring the best experience for the viewer or the listener. This is Danny stepping out of what he wants to achieve for himself and thinking about others. His job ceasing to be a job just for him, but becoming a job for others.

Learn – the fifth element of the 5 Ways – was how Danny was open to “looking through a different lens”. He expressed his curiosity for learning about his situation, seeing his life more positively, which takes a shift in awareness and openness. He has learnt that people are people, whether they are elite athletes or an everyday person on the street. He has learnt to accept others, without the judgment of ‘who’ they are by what they have ‘achieved’. He appears more open to what he can continue to learn, increasing his expertise and ‘success’ in his broadcasting.

Danny Frawley grew up as a country boy. He openly talked about how men often don’t talk to their GP about their own mental health. Choosing to spend hundreds of dollars each year on their cars to keep them well-serviced, yet neglecting their own ‘servicing’. His honesty in the field of sport is refreshing and to be congratulated. Unfortunately we only hear of major sporting stars’ battle with their life or their mental health and wellbeing after they have experienced major issues, more often coupled with a public exposure of their seen ‘demise’.

Life isn’t just what happens to us, it is what we make of it. Our success shouldn’t be measured in terms of outward achievement, but in our view or sense of ourselves. We all need that positive lens Danny talks about. Living through the 5 Ways to Wellbeing, while it can’t make us bullet-proof, it will undoubtedly minimise the intensity of mental health issues and give us a solid base on which to seek help. We need a growth mindset and a focus on connecting, giving, learning, staying physically active and living in the present, after all, what other time do you actually have?

Listen to Danny Frawley’s interview with Mark Howard on Dead Set Legends Triple M.

Danny Frawley Image: triplem.com.au

Autumn Soundscape Meditation

By Therese Sheedy on March 7, 2016 in Mindfulness

As I wait for someone in a park in my beautiful city, I decide, as I often do in situations like this, to take the opportunity and sit in a soundscape meditation.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with meditation or soundscape meditations I will attempt to explain what I like to encourage when I teach it.

Generally in our day we divide sounds into those we like and those we don’t. The sounds we don’t like we usually describe as noise. This is particularly true when we are feeling the negative effects of stress. When our minds are in distress.

It seems the higher our stress the lower our threshold is to cope with the cacophony of everyday sounds.

By labelling these everyday sounds as ‘noise’ we limit ourselves. We limit our tolerance, because noise is something that annoys us, grates on our nerves, and interrupts our thinking or sense of calm.

We also limit ourselves to see, or should I say hear, the connections that make up our world. Connections made by others perhaps going about their day. We limit our awareness of noticing, which is why soundscape meditation is very much a mindfulness meditation.

So as I sit with my eyes closed on this warm day early in Melbourne’s autumn, I start to hear so many sounds. I always find it amazing how when we quieten the eyes our sense of hearing seems to awaken even more.

Construction sounds are probably the most dominant sounds in my present, and so the ears are naturally drawn to them. Construction sounds are sounds of people working. Sounds of possibilities for the future for others to work or live in the city. Sounds of amazing machinery designed by engineers and creative inventors to help make our lives safer and easier. Machinery that someone else has also made, providing a job for them as well.

As I listen more closely to my city I hear the sounds of traffic. People moving. Looking to connect with others perhaps, possibly looking to leave the city for the weekend. Moving to jobs, for jobs. Moving to families or friends. Who am I to decide that this is annoying or unnecessary?

The ding of a tram bell indicates movement stopping or starting. A caution to others to be careful as they go about their life. Not all cities have this unique form of transport. Trams are synonymous with Melbourne, they are our history.

Suddenly the sounds of sirens. An ambulance followed by a fire engine. We can be tempted to think they are spoiling our serenity with their loud raucous bells, or we can understand that someone is in need of support and these people are doing everything they can to get there as quickly as possible to offer that support. Their sounds no longer offensive, more an act of selflessness, courage and compassion.

The wind is rustling the trees providing a touch of nature in this city soundscape. Birds are tweeting to each other as they either fly overhead or sit perched in the trees that create a softening of the city.

People are walking by. I hear their footsteps. Some are gentle, some scurry. Some push the autumn leaves along the pathway. Kicking autumn leaves always transports me back to childhood. Fallen leaves, a sign of the change in seasons. The earth in its continuous cycle of change, a change we can often be oblivious to as we go about the busyness of our day.

A soundscape meditation is a wonderful way to instantly become present. While I have talked here about the sounds, labelling them for the purpose of this blog, a soundscape meditation is actually a time when you don’t have to think. You don’t need to label, judge or assess the sounds of your present as good or bad, they just are.

A soundscape meditation can immediately ground us in the beauty of the world, a world full of connections that we may otherwise miss.

Soundscape meditation is easy to do and very portable, you can do it anywhere.

Give it a go and watch your mind attempting to label and judge, resist these temptations, allowing the world to be and you to just be in it.

2016 – A New Year or just another new moment?

By Therese Sheedy on December 31, 2015 in Mindfulness

Time is an interesting concept. Apparently one of the most said phrases in the world is “what’s the time?”
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Je Suis Paris

By Therese Sheedy on November 16, 2015 in Mindfulness

There is not much one can say in the wake of the terrifying events in Paris. Having been to Paris, not that that is necessary in order to be affected by these events, my heart goes out to that beautiful city and to the people across France.

No matter how much I try to understand, I can’t. I can’t make sense of this as a psychologist, as a parent, as a citizen, as a human being. Human beings are designed to protect each other, to live as community, to preserve life – especially our own – that is why the fight/flight response is built in and activates naturally.

Human beings do however operate according to our underlying beliefs and these can override the fight/flight response. We will sacrifice ourselves if our values and beliefs are strong enough and threatened, such as protecting our offspring or those we love.

The power of these radical groups in continuing to recruit young people, who need ‘a cause’, or the need to belong, or have a need for someone to believe in them, is so strong that we can feel disempowered to do anything. Disempowerment breeds fear. We feel helpless and so our fear increases.

While it is difficult for us to impact in a global sense, one way we can fight back on a local, daily basis is to connect with those in our communities who are withdrawn, isolated, lost.

Never before has our need for connectedness been so obvious. A simple smile at people in your street and as you go about your day, can make others feel connected. Make eye contact with others. Eye contact says ‘you are accepted in my world’. Be kind to others, as you never know what their needs might be.

These simple actions might not feel like they are impacting worldwide, however simple acts can create a ripple effect. They can help us feel connected and safe. The way we can face terrorism in our small yet powerful way is not to feel terrorised but open and trusting with each other.

Science explains – why meditation is good for us!

By Therese Sheedy on July 11, 2015 in Mindfulness

Have you ever wondered what goes on in your brain during meditation?

Why would sitting still, with closed eyes be so calming?

Well actually for some of us, it isn’t so calming, it is a nightmare. Some people can’t stand the endless chatter that the mind does when they stop and sit. Some people say that trying to still the mind is just impossible and so meditation just isn’t possible for them. A lot of people agree with that, in my meditation practice and teaching course I hear that a lot. “You know this won’t work for me, I can’t stop thinking for a second let alone minutes! It’s a lost cause I’m afraid.”

Well, no it isn’t a “lost cause” but the striving to quieten the mind, or still your thoughts is fraught with problems. So in order to gain the benefits of meditation it is best to let those ideals go.

DON’T try to do anything to your mind and see what happens.

There are two things you need to know: Firstly, anyone can meditate and secondly, one of the reasons why we actually feel good when we do.

OK, firstly, anyone can meditate. If you stop trying to control everything you might notice that you immediately have a bit of freedom to actually notice what is happening during meditation.

Meditation is attention training. Training yourself to focus on one thing and noticing when your mind wants to get involved and ‘run the show’.

Our attention is rarely tuned to one thing. It flits all over the place. We think about the weather, what we need to be doing next, what happened yesterday and how we feel about it. We think about people, food, work tasks, chores, traffic, and problems to be solved. Thinking goes on and we let it, getting hooked on each thought that comes into our head as if it were SO important that it deserves all that attention.

In meditation we decide where our attention will be placed. Often this may be on the breath, sometimes it may be on sounds, or a mantra, or even a movement or eating. It is where we place our attention and how we continually notice when our attention is distracted from that focus and gently bring it back.

That simple, right? Hell no! This is hard work – at first – but like anything new, once we practice, it becomes easier and easier.

Now why does it feel good when we do focus in meditation?

One of the reasons is a small gland hidden in centre of the brain called the pineal gland. The pineal gland is responsible for the release of the hormone – melatonin, which is an important part of the body’s circadian timing system and can synchronise daily rhythms. The French philosopher Rene Descartes believed the pineal gland was the ‘seat of the soul’ considered to influence happiness.

Melatonin is responsible for our sleep/wake cycle and sexual development. It is stimulated by darkness. One of the reasons why meditation activates the pineal gland could be the darkness caused by closing the eyes.

Meditation activates the pineal gland to produce melatonin, creating a deep feeling of wellness and sleep (peacefulness) in the awake brain. During meditation we have a decrease in blood pressure, decreased heart rate and a slowing of the breath, all causing a sense of calm and relaxation.

All of this is due to the fact we can focus our attention by closing our eyes to external stimuli, stimulate the pineal gland to release melatonin and feel calmer and happier in the process.

So give it a go. Don’t get caught in the trap that your mind is too active to meditate. The best thinkers in the world know that to be focused produces results. Try being focused for 1 minute, then 3 minutes, 5 minutes, then 10 minutes a day and see what a difference it makes to not only your productivity but your overall sense of wellness and happiness.

With thanks – photos by Sebastien Wiertz

What is mothering?

By Therese Sheedy on May 9, 2015 in Mindfulness

With Mother’s Day here I am drawn to the concept of what is mothering?

My own mother passed away 13 years ago and she is still present in my life. While I miss her greatly, I savour and give thanks that she was my mother.

As I have grown I have a different relationship with my mother than I used to. When she was alive she was busy doing. Her family meant a lot to her – not everything – she had other parts of her life where she also shared her gifts of friendship, laughter, love and support. Mum dedicated herself to others – my father, our family, her local cricket club.

I often hear my mother’s voice in my head as I walk along our beach, where she would challenge me to consider what a wonderful gift nature was. How lucky we were to have such beauty around us, and how we needed to be gentle and kind to the universe. This part of mum I channel daily in my work, my gratitude and my awareness. This is in tune with my practice of mindful living.

However mindfulness has also taught me to be aware of my thinking and sometimes I find my mother’s judgments on the world seeping into my consciousness and becoming my judgments. It is in these times that I acknowledge my choice, to be just like my mother, in all ways, or to choose how I react to the world and more specifically to people and their actions in the world.

It is easy to be kind and generous of spirit to those we are ‘like’ or those we agree with. The challenge is to remain openhearted to everyone’s pain not just our own.

While my mother was a wonderful human being and a loving, caring mother, I know she wasn’t the perfect person. No one is. As a mother and now grandmother, I see the role of mothering to be broader than my immediate family and Mother Nature. I attempt to bring kindness and gentleness to my interactions with others whether I know them, like them or not.

I believe that the unconditional love of a mother is what the world needs more of. The world aches for guidance and wisdom of a mother who will teach values and keep you in line with understanding and strength.

I give thanks for my mother, not just on this special day, but everyday. I also give thanks for the opportunities to take a mothering kindness to my own family, my friends, my colleagues, my clients and my world.

I hope you can honour all the mothers in your life and the many ways you can mother in your part of the world.

Be kind to your body, stay present

By Therese Sheedy on March 25, 2015 in Mindfulness

It is difficult to understand, but the present moment is the only moment you actually have. This is difficult to understand because our minds rarely live in the present moment, and so they are unfamiliar with it and don’t readily trust it.

The past is gone, done, dusted. No amount of reliving it in your head will actually change those events, make someone or yourself nicer, or take away the pain those events brought. I think a lot of times we revisit the past to remind ourselves of the wrongs someone has done to us, as a means of comfort or justification, reminding ourselves we were wronged.

We think by going over and over, ruminating on past events, we will understand them more clearly and perhaps pick up some ideas or clues on how to prevent or avoid them happening to us again.

Unfortunately what happens is this.

When we experience pain, trauma, suffering, or experiences we don’t like or want, our body reacts. It usually goes into what is called the fight/flight response. Trying to shield itself from the trauma or danger that exists in front of us.

When this happens little parts of us shut down to protect our systems from harm. Other parts fire up to help us gain the strength to fight or tackle the trauma head on or, flee – escape the situation to keep us safe.

Each time our mind revisits a past danger or trauma, such as getting bad news, being attacked by someone (both physically or verbally), being in an accident, someone being injured or dying etc. our body also revisits the past. It re-experiences the fight/flight response we had back then, even though there is no threat in the present moment. This is how powerful the mind-body connection is.

The same is true if we continually think about what might happen in the future – “What if this doesn’t work? What if I can’t do it? What if they don’t do what they are supposed to? How will we cope?”

When we live in this future that we can’t control, again our bodies experience the trauma of the event we are imagining as if it were actually happening now. Again parts of our system close down to protect us, and other parts move into full swing – again the fight/flight response is in action even though you may be sitting at your desk at work, on the train, in the kitchen, or watching TV. There is no trauma our bodies are reacting to in the present, it is reacting to the possibility of trauma in the future, but it can’t tell the difference.

Our bodies need to respond naturally to events, rather than be pushed into a constant state of trauma and anger management. This is where mindfulness and living mindfully can help.

By focusing just here, just now, we give our internal systems some space and rest. We are able to experience calmness and regain a feeling of control in our lives. We are more able to respond to just this situation, and not have it blown out because we were stressed by events of the past or possible events in the future that we have been thinking about.

When our minds are out of the present they can often feel out of control. We feel out of control and every little experience such as a traffic jam, or rain on the washing, or dropping a cup, can feel like a major crisis and we in turn feel like we’re not coping.

So how do we live more mindfully?

We need to start bringing a little mindfulness into each day. Here are a couple of simple but not so easy to do exercises to practice – and keep practicing!

Each time you move through a doorway, consciously notice and remind yourself you are now in a new space. That may be a doorway between rooms, the door going outside, the car door, even the toilet door! Each doorway takes you into a new space, see if you can take your mind and focus into that space as well.

Three Breaths Stop: any time you stop, for whatever reason, focus on the next three breaths. When you stop to wait for your morning takeaway, stopped in traffic, stopped in the queue at the supermarket, stopped waiting for children to finish sport/music/school. Each time you stop notice three breaths. You don’t need to breathe deeply or in any particular way, just breathe and notice it. Breathing in and out will do, it does a good job for you the rest of the time when you’re not noticing!

Good reasons to become a morning person

By Therese Sheedy on January 4, 2015 in Mindfulness

There are many reasons to start the day early, but if you’re not a morning person then becoming an early riser will be one of the hardest, but most rewarding, routines you will put into place, and here are at least five good reasons why you should:

Early risers are more proactive and future-focused. According to Harvard biologist Christoph Randler people who rise early are more likely to set long-term goals and commit to those goals.
Early risers are more likely to have an exercise routine which boosts mood and energy for the rest of the day
Sleep experts agree that going to bed earlier, and rising earlier will tune your body to the earth’s circadian rhythms, meaning sleep will be more restorative
Early risers report lower depression and higher levels of overall happiness and wellbeing
Rising early means you will have time for breakfast. Eating breakfast has been linked to more stable weight control, lowered heart disease and lower risk of diabetes.

And if that’s not enough, here are 5 more things to consider:

The morning brings a beauty that is different from any other part of the day – there is a reason that birds sing in the morning
Rising early means you will be more tired earlier at night which will encourage you to go to bed instead of watching mind-deadening television programs just to ‘fill in time’ before you go to bed
Getting up early will give you space from other people in your world – you can decide how you spend this time just for you, without the demands of others
Taking this early time to sit in silent meditation gives your day a whole new perspective. Instead of getting out of bed anxious about the demands of the day ahead, you can start your day with a clearer, quieter perspective – something you can draw on throughout the rest of the day
If you get up just 1hr earlier every day you will gain 15days in a year! What could you do with 15 more days? – everything you love to do, that’s what!!!!!

Start small, set that alarm for 15mins earlier and then gradually build up to 1hr. When you hear that little voice say “I don’t want to get out of bed” know that that is just a habit. Ask yourself is it easy to do – put you feet on the floor? – yes it is. Is it easy not to do – pull up the covers and roll over? too right it is. But when you choose the ‘easy to do’ over the ‘easy not to do’ you win the debate and you can do it because it is easy. It will continue to become easier and easier, and you will have become a ‘winner’ in the battle of the mindsets. Once you win that battle, other battles throughout the day will be a piece of cake.

A “new” year or a new moment?

By Therese Sheedy on January 2, 2015 in Mindfulness

According to the calendar it is the beginning of a new year.

Goal setting is very much a part of our new year rituals, and it is a strong component of the teachings in positive psychology. Goal setting helps us achieve things, feel a sense of accomplishment, sometimes even a sense of purpose. But how can you really know what you might need or what things will be like in March, July or September when it is only the beginning of January?

This new year I am setting a goal, just one. A goal that will help me stay focused each day to achieve what I want to achieve and respond to situations that arise with clarity and choice.
However I need to be present in each moment of each day to fulfill this goal.

My goal has five elements, and I believe that if I live through these five elements daily, moment by moment, I will bring the best version of me to 2015.

This one goal is to live out the Five Ways to Wellbeing and this is how it looks in practice:

1) Take Notice – in 2015 I will bring my full attention to this very moment as much as I can. I will be conscious of when my mind is wandering and bring it back to the present, because the present is the only time my mind is useful, calm and wise. I will practice taking notice through mindfulness and meditation. Allowing silence to sit easily in my world. Mindfully completing daily chores like cleaning and washing. Mindfully participating in my daily routines of brushing my teeth, showering, dressing, and daily sitting meditation either at home, on the train, at the beach or in waiting rooms.

2) Be Active – in 2015 I will look for ways each day to move my body. I will walk places rather than drive. Catch public transport, walk up stairs, stand for meetings, play with children and dance whenever I can!

3) Connect – in 2015 I will ask others how they are and genuinely listen to their answer. I will chat with the person who works in my local cafe. I will smile more at people I meet or pass in the street. I will make eye contact so people will know they are welcome in my life.

4) Give – in 2015 I will look for ways to donate my time not just make a donation to charity. I will give way in traffic to let someone else get home to their loved ones as well. I will offer to help others by holding doors open or moving aside for others to sit.

5) Learn – in 2015 I will take opportunities to find out about people I know and those I don’t . I will continue to learn more recipes to cook, to travel new ways around my neighborhood. I will listen to new music. I will investigate my beautiful city and visit exhibitions that will teach me about others and our wonderful planet.

By Taking Notice, Being Active, Connecting, Giving and Learning, these five ways will enrich my daily life so that I don’t have to wait for the weekend to be happy or wait for another holiday time to feel rested.

Starting with Taking Notice will prevent the time-warp created by clocks, diaries and calendars. These are all measures of this thing we call ‘time’ and time is often our enemy.

Measuring time can make us think we don’t have enough of it to get things done, or get to somewhere ‘on time’. It makes us rush, stress and panic about what we didn’t do or what we ‘have’ to do. We start to feel that time is running our lives and often that our life is running out!

Taking notice slows life down, and brings you into this space, so that you can choose how to respond rather than being driven by the sense of urgency that time can bring.

I have chosen to let go of the urge to make resolutions for how life could look in three, six or nine months time, and have chosen to live the ‘five ways’ daily, so that no matter what life throws at me, I will be the best version of myself to respond. I know that living through the ‘five ways’ I will be healthier, feel more vibrant and connected. I will notice more and appreciate what I have more.

The psychological nature of a ‘new year’ does indeed have its advantages. We can say goodbye to the ‘bad’ things or events that we have connected to last year and imagine and hope that this new year will bring us new fortune, changed luck, good times. Can a mere date on the calendar actually do all that, or do we need to do things differently? After all, we do have more responsibility for our own happiness than we often realise.

Remember, every moment is a new moment, every day is a new day, and every moment offers a chance for new fortune, whether the date says it is January 1st or September 21st, whether it is 2014 or 2015, it is still a new moment. We just need to be present to notice it.

So this ‘new year’ turn to the only moment you have – this one!

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