Is your life being hijacked by your fear of never having a baby and never becoming a mother?
Do you spend all your time searching the net for that one thing that will turn things around for you?
Are you consumed by other peoples’ ‘perfect’ lives on socials, while they have no idea of the pain and suffering you experience every day?
All of this energy and focus is so time consuming. You can end up forgetting how to enjoy the simple things in life. Or worse still, you don’t even do the things you used to do that made you happy because you are too busy, too preoccupied, too depressed, too tired.
The truth is, research suggests you are doing yourself far more damage when your emotions are constantly running high. Renowned wellbeing and mindfulness researcher Felicia Huppert at the Well-being Institute, University of Cambridge highlighted that “psychological well-being is, however, compromised when negative emotions are extreme, or very long lasting and interfere with a person’s ability to function in his or her daily life”.
It is clear that forgetting the things that nourish you doesn’t help your mental health, your wellbeing, your relationships or your fertility.
Go on, read that again!
All that focus looking for the answer is actually NOT helping your fertility.
How can you give yourself a mini-break from trying to conceive you ask?
Think about how you live your best life. How do you show up for you? Because living your best life now, every day is also going to give you the best chance of a take-home baby.
Do we have your attention? Are you ready for more?
What brings out your best self?
Well, Oxford University and the New Economics Foundation in the U.K. in 2008 put a lot of time into trying to find exactly that. They discovered that good mental health and wellbeing can be achieved through a model called The Five Ways to Wellbeing. This model proposes that through ‘good functioning’ such as being connected, being active, taking notice, learning and giving, people have higher levels of wellbeing, and build mental capital through greater resilience, self-esteem, cognitive capacity and emotional intelligence.
Here are what is known as the Five Ways to Wellbeing, tweaked a little bit – just for you!
Be Active – move your body. When you are wound up thinking about your fertility journey you can become angry at your own body for betraying you; for not performing as it “should”. You can lose appreciation for the amazing things your body does every second of every day. So get back in touch with the amazing you. Tune into the joy of moving your body, whether that is when you’re walking, jogging, dancing, stretching. Notice how your body responds, how agile it is.
Take Notice – get out of your head, the constant noise that keeps you preoccupied with trying to conceive and get into your life – right here, right now. Notice how things feel, their shape, colours, smells, tastes. Be present with the simple things in life. Take notice when you are making a cuppa, writing a note or making dinner. You may like to develop your mindfulness and meditation practices.
Connect – too often our fertility journey can create a distance between ourselves and others. We don’t want to listen to other people’s lives because we are too busy with our own. To really connect, become fully engaged with curiosity and compassion in your conversations with others. Truly connecting with others helps us step out of our pain, our disappointments, our fears and our anger and step into who we really are. Make the effort to connect with those you love and who support you and listen to them, be with them, laugh with them.
Learn – when we are trying to conceive, all we seem to be learning about is the latest fertility treatment. We forget the things that hold our curiosity, that help us learn and grow as a person. You may learn about a new bike path around your neighbourhood, or the latest out of NASA or a new recipe or maybe how to grow your own micro-herbs.
Give – when your focus has been hijacked by infertility putting time into other things can be really difficult. However, as humans we get great joy out of helping others. Our gratitude grows, our optimism increases and we see more joy in the world; so find someone or something you can give to. It may be bringing in your neighbour’s garbage bins for them, giving way in traffic, helping out at a local animal shelter or volunteering at your local library.
How you do the 5 Ways will be personal to you, however everyone will likely see that old spark return. The result? More energy, more space in your day for others and feel calmer and clearer.
You can work the 5 Ways in one day or make one of the Ways a priority for your day. You will increase your physical and mental health and wellbeing, and I promise, your mind, body and spirit will thank you for it.
Could the stress of infertility be as harmful as Cancer? Learn more about how infertility is the new PTSD. If you think you might be ready to unlock your fertility let’s grab 15 minutes together and see whether the program is right for you.