Author Archive | Therese Sheedy

The business of being an adult can be quite demoralising.

Making deadlines, paying bills, working, cleaning house, caring for others.  We can forget to enjoy ourselves. Forget to smile, to laugh, to joke.

Life is serious. We know that there are people dying, starving, being harmed by others, injustices throughout the world. The planet is changing and often being damaged by our recklessness and arrogance as a human race.

Growing up doesn’t seem as appealing as it once did, now that we know what we know!

But it doesn’t have to be all bad.

Research from the field of Positive Psychology indicates that experiencing positive emotions through pleasurable activities is a major contributor to our well-being.  It isn’t the whole thing, but it does improve our mental health.  Looking at the notion of positivity Fredrickson (2009) highlights that positive emotions “open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and more creative.”  Being more receptive and creative encourages us to interact with the world in a more positive way – perhaps reducing some of our own contributions to the negative impacts on our world.

One of the ways we can bring positivity into our lives is to keep in touch with the child inside us.

Too often we give up the simple things that as a child brought us great pleasure.  It may have been sitting on a swing, rolling down a hill, laying on the grass looking up at the clouds, dancing or playing a musical instrument.

As adults we don’t have time for such frivolous pursuits.  We are too busy. Too busy with important adult things.  But why are we busy with these adult things? Why can’t we have the joy that childhood knows even though we know more about the difficulties in the world?

This week’s mindfulness challenge is to get in touch with the child inside.  What brings you pleasure – sheer joy?

Pleasure that is simple, uncomplicated, honest and hits you where you feel it, in your heart.  Not the pleasure you get from cleaning your car, or having a drink with friends or playing a computer game.  Pleasure as a child feels it, as the child inside yourself feels it. Joyful, playful, nourishing pleasure.

You know the old saying – dance like no-one is watching – just like a child does before social awareness robs us of pure pleasure.

Encourage others to also find the child inside.  Whistle a tune, or better still, sing out loud and get others to sing along. Jump in puddles, do a tumbling somersault, eat a favourite treat savouring each mouthful, throw or bounce a ball with someone or a pet, throw a sheet over some chairs and build a  cubbyhouse under the table with children or maybe even climb a tree!

Perhaps you could cook something for someone else as a surprise for them, or make a gift. Grab some coloured pencils and draw a picture, play a board game with friends or family, or grab some old clothes and play ‘dress-ups’ with your children.

Notice your own voice inside you monitoring judgment – I don’t have time for this; this is for children; I wish I could do that but ….. or what will others think? Who cares what they think, I bet they’re not having nearly as much fun as you are at that very moment.

Our lives need more play as the seriousness will always demand our attention.  Don’t let judgment by yourself or others rob you of that feeling of just being happy!

As Patch Adams once said “one of the reasons adults should look as if they are having fun, is to give kids a reason to want to grow up”

Have you ever gone through a day and not really remembered much about it?

Not seen shapes, connections, colours?  Just tasks to do, unending ‘to do’ lists, people demanding or wanting more of you, pulling you one way or another.

On these days we can forget to take time to connect with our environment and notice it. Notice its shapes, its colours.

Colours are vital in our world of sight.  Colours connect us to our past, our relationships, our emotions, our likes and dislikes.

There has been developing interest in the power of colour.  People have their ‘colours done’ meaning they go to a colour expert who tells them how they get their energy, what colour suits them, what colour will attract others to them, what colours will bring them happiness.

Colour is also a key to marketing, with 85% of shoppers placing colour as the primary reason for their purchase.  Marketing companies telling retailers that impulse shoppers are highly attracted to red, orange and royal blue. Our energy is said to increase when we see the colour red which represents urgency, hence it is prominent in clearance sales.

Colour can also bring us a sense of trust, safety and reliability, like the colour blue.  While yellow is the most visible colour and the first colour we see, blue is the second.

The colour blue is considered a contemplative colour meaning intelligence and strength.  Blue is said to stimulate clear thought with lighter blues calming the mind and aiding concentration.  Blue is the colour of clear communication.

Sometimes we use colours like blue to describe how we feel – ‘I feel blue’ indicating a low mood or feeling down.

   Blue is a constant in our world.

The sky is blue even when there are dark clouds and storms.  We see this when we travel in an aeroplane and break through the weather and sit in the great beyond which is blue.  The blue sky above is full of possiblities.

Being more observant in our daily life, rather than getting bounced around like a pinball by our thoughts, encourages us to see that our thoughts and moods change just like the weather and if we are very observant, we will see that our true selves are like the blue sky, always there, waiting for us to tap into it.

This week’s challenge is to notice blue in your world.  Tap into it. Take in your environment and notice where you can see a hint of blue.  Observe how you respond to the colour blue.

Look to see blue in other colours like purple or green, even black.  Watch how other colours sit next to blue.  Allow your eye to follow the lines of the colour blue.

Perhaps you can put a blue dot in your diary to remind you, or on your wrist so that you remember to notice blue in your world.

For those of you who like other colours, by all means notice them too, start with blue and see where that takes you.

Human beings are social animals by nature.  Human connections enrich our lives, give us energy and vitality, challenge us to grow and adapt and enhance our dignity.

Naturally some people prefer to have more social interaction than others.

Regular interactions with others however can become robotic and lack authenticity.

When we see the same people often we can get complacent about our role in the relationship.  We can take the relationship for granted.  We can tune out and be consumed by our own needs.

Our minds can start to predict what the next conversation might be like, or at least how it will go, who will dominate and who will turn off. Our minds like to play out scenarios from the past and bring them into the present.

Relationships are their own entity, they need attention and nourishment just like your body and mind.

When we ‘brush’ past our close relationships we miss the opportunities to really see the other person.  We miss the chance of seeing their strengths, beauty and joy.  We can miss the opportunity to build those tiny connections that sustain respect, interest and love.

Mindful conversation is making sure you are present for the other person.  Ready to listen, really listen, without interruption and without changing the focus toward ourselves.  This is not easy.

Truly listening to someone takes effort, especially if we have listened often to that same person over time.

This week’s challenge is to listen, really listen to other people.  Bring your non-judgmental presence to each conversation.  To explore mindful conversation.

Bringing your presence means no distractions such as sport, music, television, phones, newspaper, computer, emails, social media, alcohol.

Listen with empathy – understanding and appreciating the other person’s position and the impact of whatever they are telling you about has for them.

Listen to understand – ask questions, clarify without accusation.  Seek to know more of their story and their feelings.

Notice how you feel connecting with someone.  Notice that feeling of being just with them in this moment.  If your mind brings in doubts or judgments just reconnect with your attention to this moment – here and now.

And if you are lucky enough to have some physical contact with someone this week, let that hug last a little bit longer, notice the feel of holding someone’s hand or kiss.

Taking in the moment.

Many researchers suggest that paying deliberate attention to others creates our own happiness to grow.  It decreases the impacts of our own life’s stressors and more importantly can contribute to our resilience so that at times of stress and distress we can draw on those connected moments to get us through.

Love is in the tiniest of moments, we just need to be there to see it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Author Haruki Murakami once wrote “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Our thoughts can be a wonderful asset, planning, problem solving, evaluating.  We trust our thoughts to help us find our way through the complexities of life both literally and figuratively.

Sometimes however our minds can become our worst enemies.  They can keep us stuck in judgment.  Judgments that are relentless, debilitating and consuming.

Mindfulness can help us see how the mind works.  It teaches us to observe and notice where our attention is.  Mindfulness invites us to explore what is actually in front of us.

Not getting caught up in our thoughts, but watching this with an openness and acceptance is often the hardest part.

At any given time we can notice the richness and beauty around us.  We can calm an agitated mind, but what if that very same part of ourselves is creating our own agitation? What then?

It is common to get lost in thoughts and lose connection with the present moment, this can take us into the hurts of the past; the lost dreams; the disappointments in ourselves and in others; the planning; the worry; the drive for better and better and even better!

Previously in this blog I have talked about ‘autopilot’ when our mind says to the body “you just do your thing, whatever it is you are doing, while I just wander off somewhere”.

Often in that wandering are judgments that create our own suffering.

Judgments come in all shapes and sizes. External judgments on others not doing things as we would like them to do; not holding our values; things not turning out as we want.

Internal judgments on ourselves can be constant.  Noticing when we have let others down; punishing thoughts of ‘I’m not a good enough mother/father/partner/sibling/friend/person’ or ‘I have never been able to do that well’.  We falsely excuse our own behaviour ‘it’s just the way I am’ knowing we don’t believe that.  We really wish we were different, better able to manage, control, change ourselves.

Relentless judgments of not doing something as well, of thinking too much, being too emotional.

Ever found yourself judging neutral events like the weather? “I don’t want it to rain” or “I wish it wasn’t so hot”.  It is weather, we can experience it or we can suffer in it.

This week’s challenge is to notice the judgments creeping in to your internal language.  I often like to say notice the ‘shoulds’.  Notice when you ‘should’ on yourself or ‘should’ on others! Should is such a disempowering word.

Think about it, how often do you hear in your already busy mind, phrases about how someone really shouldn’t do that or you yourself should know better by now?

Judgment keeps us in a state of dis-ease. It prevents us from accepting others and ourselves.  It keeps us suffering when we don’t need to.

Notice the judgments and let them slide.  Don’t judge yourself for having the judgment, don’t be hard on yourself.  Most people can’t go 24 minutes without judgment let alone 24 hours or 7 days!

Go gently, accepting yourself and others.  Murakami also wrote “the fact that I’m me and no one else is one of my greatest assets.”

Mindfulness allows us to explore our lives as we actually live them. Not having to look back and remember what things were like to be enjoyed, or look forward, planning, hoping things will be different, better. We are here, now, Mindfulness encourages us to know this.

Our senses are one way to connect with the present, to our environment and to others.

Touch is something that can often go unnoticed as we use it so often. We tune out to touch as it is there all the time, but we are not. We can often not even notice the ground beneath our feet as we are usually busy going somewhere, with something to do.

There is always someting touching us – our clothes, other parts of our body, other people, things in the environment, air touching the skin.

This week’s challenge is to tune into your sense of touch.

At any one point of the day stop and pay attention to your sense of touch.  You may be in the shower – feel the water running over your body or the smoothness of the soap gliding over your skin.

While driving in your car – tune in to your hands touching the steering wheel, your body against the seat.

When standing in a queue – notice where your hands are, are you holding anything? What does it feel like? Notice your clothes on your body.

At work or at home – what are the textures you feel during your day? Alert your sense of touch to everyday items you come into contact with and notice their texture, weight, even temperature.

Or perhaps laying in bed – notice the air touching your skin, the bedclothes on your body, your head on the pillow.

Tune into touch without judgment or expectation.  Mindfulness isn’t about what it’s supposed to feel like, it is being there to notice just what it is at that particular moment.

Notice when you are holding onto something tight or forceful and perhaps allow yourself a gentler grip.  We often express our tension and hurried lifestyle through our own body without even being aware of it. Notice it and allow it to just be.

Focussed concentration is limited in our fast-paced world.  Taking time to actually feel your body enhances your connection to your world and slows down the pace in your head.

Notice, become aware, tune-up your sense of touch and get in touch with yourself and your environment.

One of the things that mindfulness teaches us is that each moment is new, interesting and unique. However, we tend to go about our lives trying to control as many things as we can under the pretence that we are “in control” and everything is the same, predictable, just as we would like it to be, believing we are in control of our lives as a whole, which of course we only think we are.

Daily we find ourselves performing tasks and rituals without even realising it.  But doing certain things a certain way brings us a sense of security and calm.

But what happens when things don’t go the way we want? What happens when the road we always take to go to work is blocked off due to roadworks?

Or our favourite coffee shop is closed for renovations or they have run out of our favourite coffee!!?

How do we feel when instead of travelling forward on the train we are forced to sit travelling backwards? “Oh I can’t travel backwards, it just doesn’t feel right” we think to ourselves and it unnerves us.

Our attempts at stability sends false messages to our brains that we are in control.

So this week we are going to deliberately mix things up!

If you teach your brain to be more willing to change, it will develop a psychological flexibility, the ability to cope with the unexpected.  This in turn leads us to being calmer when things go wrong but more importantly, we can be more conscious of our emotional responses to situations and therefore won’t get hooked into them as much as we would if change was thrust upon us.  We can reduce our rigidity to situations and therefore reduce our own suffering.

So think about something you do regularly without thinking about it.  It may be that you like to sit in the same chair to eat at the table or in a restaurant (back against the wall), or to watch television.  Perhps you like to go a specific way to work, or have your shower before you brush your teeth.

Me, I used to like to get dressed a certain way.  Left in first, left arm in before right, left sock on before right etc.  This used to make trying on shoes in stores a nightmare as they always have right shoes on display. Yes that’s right – a nightmare.  How ridiculous they are just shoes, nobody died, just had to put a right shoe on without the left one! No nightmares anymore, I managed to let it go!

What will you try?

Changing seats? Morning routine? Sleeping on the other side of the bed!!!?  I wouldn’t suggest putting your car keys in a different spot or else it may take you a while to find them – more stress!

Give yourself a challenge.  It will make you a little uncomfortable, or uneasy, but it won’t hurt you.

Notice and be present to how it impacts on you, flow with it with curiosity, without judgment, just observe.  Don’t give in and try to remove the discomfort, remember it is only for a week, unless of course you want to keep going and release more habits!

Let us know what you have changed and how you reacted – or how others reacted!

Sweet dreams!

Are you in touch with your breathing? Probably not.                  

Breathing is something we just take for granted, and yet it is the most fundamental and life-giving thing we do!

Let’s spend one week focussing on our breathing, taking “just three breaths” (adapted from jan Chozen Bays)

The challenge is – as many times a day as you are able or remember, give your mind a rest and pay atention to the next three breaths.

For three breaths allow yourself to stop thinking and just focus on what the breath feels like coming into the body and going out of the body.

Breath comes in, breath goes out. Breath comes in, breath goes out. Breath comes in, breath goes out.

After the third breath spend a moment using your senses noticing sounds in your environment, colours around you, a sense of touch and smells.  Not wanting it to be anything else, just noticing.

Remember mindfuness means no judgment or assessment.  You don’t have to be concerned if you are breathing correctly. Don’t try to work out if your breath is the result of a paricular emotion or physical condition. That’s just your mind wanting to get involved.

It is what it is at this very moment.

Practice paying attention.

The focus on the breath can provide a relief from a busy mind that can spiral out of control. For only three breaths we don’t have to do anything.

The more often we practice ‘just three breaths’ we give ourselves permission to calm our minds.  Touching base with the breath becomes natural. A natural circuit breaker is in place enabling us to breathe in all senses of the word.

TIPS:  Of course when making changes or starting a new routine we tend to forget. So set up some reminders for yourself.

Sticky notes with the number 3 on them placed in prominent spots can help.

Put them on the refrigerator, the bathroom mirror, your desktop, on the phone even on the steering wheel of your car so that when you get in you take three breaths before starting your journey.

People often find when they start mindfulness or meditation that their mind is as active as a two year old, always on the go.  Don’t be dismayed by this, at least you now have an alternative option – just three breaths.

When our minds wander they tend to go to the past reliving old hurts or disappointments or they journey into the unknown future making plans, anticipating possible difficulties and defeats before they actually arise.

The breath is always in the presnt, always here and now.  Touching base with the present brings a feeling of calm and relaxation even for a moment.  Moments you will want more of.

In the words of Jon Kabat Zinn – “if you are breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you”.

Each Mindful Moment you spend with your breath will add to slowing life down so that you can be in the here and now to enjoy it.

Let us know how you go!