It is difficult to understand, but the present moment is the only moment you actually have. This is difficult to understand because our minds rarely live in the present moment, and so they are unfamiliar with it and don’t readily trust it.
The past is gone, done, dusted. No amount of reliving it in your head will actually change those events, make someone or yourself nicer, or take away the pain those events brought. I think a lot of times we revisit the past to remind ourselves of the wrongs someone has done to us, as a means of comfort or justification, reminding ourselves we were wronged.
We think by going over and over, ruminating on past events, we will understand them more clearly and perhaps pick up some ideas or clues on how to prevent or avoid them happening to us again.
Unfortunately what happens is this.
When we experience pain, trauma, suffering, or experiences we don’t like or want, our body reacts. It usually goes into what is called the fight/flight response. Trying to shield itself from the trauma or danger that exists in front of us.
When this happens little parts of us shut down to protect our systems from harm. Other parts fire up to help us gain the strength to fight or tackle the trauma head on or, flee – escape the situation to keep us safe.
Each time our mind revisits a past danger or trauma, such as getting bad news, being attacked by someone (both physically or verbally), being in an accident, someone being injured or dying etc. our body also revisits the past. It re-experiences the fight/flight response we had back then, even though there is no threat in the present moment. This is how powerful the mind-body connection is.
The same is true if we continually think about what might happen in the future – “What if this doesn’t work? What if I can’t do it? What if they don’t do what they are supposed to? How will we cope?”
When we live in this future that we can’t control, again our bodies experience the trauma of the event we are imagining as if it were actually happening now. Again parts of our system close down to protect us, and other parts move into full swing – again the fight/flight response is in action even though you may be sitting at your desk at work, on the train, in the kitchen, or watching TV. There is no trauma our bodies are reacting to in the present, it is reacting to the possibility of trauma in the future, but it can’t tell the difference.
Our bodies need to respond naturally to events, rather than be pushed into a constant state of trauma and anger management. This is where mindfulness and living mindfully can help.
By focusing just here, just now, we give our internal systems some space and rest. We are able to experience calmness and regain a feeling of control in our lives. We are more able to respond to just this situation, and not have it blown out because we were stressed by events of the past or possible events in the future that we have been thinking about.
When our minds are out of the present they can often feel out of control. We feel out of control and every little experience such as a traffic jam, or rain on the washing, or dropping a cup, can feel like a major crisis and we in turn feel like we’re not coping.
So how do we live more mindfully?
We need to start bringing a little mindfulness into each day. Here are a couple of simple but not so easy to do exercises to practice – and keep practicing!
Each time you move through a doorway, consciously notice and remind yourself you are now in a new space. That may be a doorway between rooms, the door going outside, the car door, even the toilet door! Each doorway takes you into a new space, see if you can take your mind and focus into that space as well.
Three Breaths Stop: any time you stop, for whatever reason, focus on the next three breaths. When you stop to wait for your morning takeaway, stopped in traffic, stopped in the queue at the supermarket, stopped waiting for children to finish sport/music/school. Each time you stop notice three breaths. You don’t need to breathe deeply or in any particular way, just breathe and notice it. Breathing in and out will do, it does a good job for you the rest of the time when you’re not noticing!
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